How to: engage in small talk

Everyone is human and it's in our nature to talk. Even if you don't realise it, you use small talk every day to interact with people. If you're meeting a person for the first time, small talk is the first form of communication and is often used to break the ice.

Scott McArthur, executive consultant at Atos Consulting, says that first impressions are made within 0.4 of a second, with people making snap judgements on the way you dress, use body language and shake hands.

"You never get a second chance to make a first impression," he says. "And if you use small talk and get it right in an introduction, you have a better chance of establishing a relationship - it's the first step in building a rapport with someone."

Why is it important?

At work, people tend to overlook the importance of small talk as they're too busy trying to look efficient and impress the boss. If you're seen to be making small talk, you may think your peers are judging you for wasting time and not focusing on your workload.

But McArthur argues that not engaging in small talk within the office can actually be counter-productive.

"In the 1980s, many companies used to allow employees to take coffee breaks, giving staff a chance to socialise," he says. "Now, we've built up a long-hours culture, and it's not healthy. People become more ineffective at their jobs, and this breakdown in communication can create isolation."

Instead, everyone is reverting more to what McArthur terms 'social software', such as e-mail, instant messaging and text messaging to satisfy their chat cravings.

Overcoming shyness

HR is all about getting the best out of people. Small talk helps to achieve this by encouraging people to talk in an informal way and, through this, resolve an issue, negotiate effectively or find solutions.

"People are actually very shy - including HR professionals," says McArthur. "For example, if you find yourself at an HR conference, you will notice how people don't talk to one another, and communication is poor. During breaks, people tend to be on their Blackberries or mobiles."

Striking up a conversation and engaging with your peers opens up dialogue. Small talk could lead into talking about the similar challenges you face, sharing ideas, or even giving or receiving advice to help solve a problem.

Hooks and cues

Use small talk as a tool to move into more serious topics. You could be chatting informally to your chief executive or colleague and be asking general questions to get them to open up to you. Then, as the conversation develops, you'll be able to ask more serious questions.

Once you've found a way in, you'll be amazed at what you might discover and how you can act on this new-found knowledge to lend your services as confidant or trusted adviser - while elevating your status. However, McArthur warns against using small talk to gossip.

Raise your profile

"Prior to a board meeting, turn up early and start talking to your colleagues before the directors appear," advises McArthur.

By engaging in small talk, not only will you help to raise your profile, but you may also gain recognition from the directors if they overhear something of interest and are drawn into the conversation.

If you only do 5 things

1. Don't talk about yourself, focus on others
2. Encourage colleagues to engage in small talk
3. Use small talk to open up lines of communication at conferences or other working environments
4. Stick to small talk - don't use it to gossip
5. Use hooks and cues to drill down to key issues

For more information

Books

The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation in Any Situation
Debra Fine, £7.99, ISBN: 0749926740

Crucial Conversations: Tools For Talking When Stakes Are High
Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, £9.99, ISBN: 0071401946

Article

Expert's view on making small talk Scott McArthur, executive consultant, Atos Consulting

What makes good small talk?

Greg Dyke, former director general of the BBC, says that "the most important thing about you as a leader are the stories that people tell about you so you must give them the opportunity to talk to you, and you must be able to engage with them".

Get off to a good start by keeping small talk non-threatening and neutral, at least until you find common ground. If you get people on side then you will win their support.

Who are the best people to small talk to?

Get to know your receptionist. They are properly under the skin of the business and can be very influential, as they have access to everyone and will have a wealth of knowledge about what's going on in the organisation.

If you can't gain access to the chairperson or senior management, get to know the people they are regularly in contact with, such as their PA. Then gain their respect, so they can tell stories about you in a positive light.

When is a good time to indulge in small talk?

Don't sit at your desk when you're having lunch - go to the canteen and deliberately sit with people you don't know. Use small talk as a way of introducing yourself and getting to know people from different departments to find out what's really happening in other parts of the business. You can gain some amazing intelligence and really understand the issues of the company. This can really empower you.

If you're talking to someone new, make sure you keep the focus on them. There's nothing more boring than people talking about themselves or answering a question before you've been asked.