Microshorts ban would spoil view

According to a row on the Times Education Supplement's Online Staffroom, sports teachers are being told to stow the shorts and wear tracksuits for fear of offending the nation's youth.

Apparently, short shorts are 'not professional', and too much exposure can cause offence and is 'just not decent'.

Guru is unfortunate in being able to remember a teacher called 'Fingers' who wore the most studpendously short, yet baggy trousers, which afforded all who cared not to look away a distinctly upsetting glance at the old fool's pendulous 'onion bags'. Being an ex-commando, Fingers was not a regular at the underpants emporium.

While this kind of visual abuse should rightly be banned, another teacher provided a different view. Latin babe Miss Reddy, who occasionally stood in for Fingers, was also a microshorts fan and provided hours, if not minutes, of viewing fun for those of us watching her help Smith as he failed to get over the horse, failed to climb the rope or failed to get up after a particularly innocuous fall. Guru can confirm Miss Reddy had never been to Brazil.

On balance, it seems clear that skimpy shorts are an essential element of the learning experience. But to satisfy the educational do-gooders, and to ensure a 'professional image', schools could introduce some silver poles and a sound system.