July 2010 Archives

Yesterday I had an appointment with a chap who sadly has an illness which permanently restrict his ability to work and he therefore won't be returning.  We've been going through this process for a while, and yesterday was the last goodbye. 

Much to my surprise/shock/horror he turned up with blood all over the side of his face and the front of his shirt.  Urgh.

What had happened, bless him, was to spruce up for our meeting he had had a shave, caught the bit where your ear attaches to your face at the bottom (cringe!) and cut himself, didn't notice, and mosied on in. 

On the positive side, at least it was dry & he wasn't dribbling everywhere. 

I sat him in my office and, having decided that I couldn't possibly hold a meaningful conversation while he was covered in blood, attempted to secure some assistance.  This is where the irony kicks in.  Of our 7 trained first aiders only one was on shift and she was otherwise engaged. 

So, while supressing the desire to shout 'this isn't my job!!!' *(in a loud and ever so slightly panicked voice...),  I did the only thing I could.  I desperately tried to remember my first aid training, got the first aid kit from the kitchen, pulled on the sexy blue gloves, cleaned him up, washed my hands, and carried on cheerfully with the meeting.

Another day, another dollar.....

My esteemed assistant has finally left me.  As you may have read previously, not wholly unexpected but a source of a great deal of 'who will do the stuff I don't want to?' and 'but now I've got to train another one!' anxiety. 

I have now finished the tortuous process of appointing a replacement.  Against all odds, and somewhat to my surprise, (and I know you will be with me on this one!) we managed to advertise, scrutinise, interview and select before my esteemed assistant's leaving date, to someone who said she was immediately available. 

Hurrah! 

And then said on offer that she is going on holiday for 3 weeks and won't be back until August. 

Sigh.  (And not just an ordinary, run of the mill, what has the man-at-the-top done now? kind of sigh.  A fully drawn out, tragic, ironic, can it get any worse? kind of sigh).  

And so I find myself, like the man-at-the-top, covering 2 roles, and finding out exactly what my assistant really did do all day.  As it turns out, quite a lot. 

Not quite awake yet, sleepily perusing my emails, first thing on a Monday morning.  I haven't even had my morning caffeine fix yet when I notice two messages, very similar subjects, sent at almost exactly the same time. 

A message from a distressed employee; his manager wants to change his client group.  'Help!' he cries.  A message from his manager; she wants to change the client group of one of her employees.  'Help!' she cries.  (does anyone see a pattern emerging here?). 

From the info I surmise that the manager has already had a 'chat' with the employee and it didn't go well.  Both now want me to advise them on how to handle the other.  Sigh.  My ever challenged waistline might support the 'piggy in the middle' analogy, but it's not the place I wanna be on a Monday morning, just because a manager decides to throw their weight around & toss their powers of persuasion & diplomacy out of the window.  (Actually, having said that, I'm not sure she ever had any).

Chat with the manager.  She has indeed used the highly popular but seldom effective 'sledgehammer' approach.  Quick session on how she could have done it better; flattery, persuasion, valued team member, needs his particular skills & experience with new client group etc etc. 

Chat with employee.  Outline employers/employees rights.  Explain that his manager has the right to change his client group - he is contracted to do a job, not to a particular client group, and the business needs his skills elsewhere at the moment.  He's not happy.  Think I've managed to persuade him against the grievance route though but hey, unless the day is going to get better, watch this space. 

Why is it that when they think they're not going to get their own way they immediately descend into 'I want, no I want, well I don't want' and seemingly lose the ability to actually TALK to each other?!!!  Children or grown-ups?  You decide......

So Google has increased pay for it's homosexual workers to compensate for the fact that their health insurance is taxed for homosexual couples but not for heterosexual couples.  I'm not slating it, I applaud them, I really do.  It is an admirable move.

But looking at equality in general, are they not opening the floodgates for taking 'corporate responsibility' for inequalities that might affect others of their staff financially through no fault of the company?  Would they not be treating those staff inequally were they not to compensate for their losses too?

Of course this is across the pond, so I may be worrying over nothing, but what we don't want is to be setting a precedent that lets the government get out of their end of the deal.

We're all working towards an equal society; employers have their responsibilites, and the government have theirs.  Lets not absolve them of them. 

Had a chat with one of my employees this morning.  It didn't get off to a good start.  Mostly because I had forgotten I had asked my assistant to book him in to see me, and he arrived half an hour early (8:30am!!), and so caught me on the hop, and I proceeded to look like a complete numpty while my at-that-point caffeine free brain struggled to catch up.

Hello, am I too early?

No, for what?

You wanted to see me?

Did I?

Yes

Now?

I think so

Oh.  OK (panic panic panic) hang on, let me.........(clicking mouse and staring at screen in hopefully purposeful way) oh yes! (thank goodness, well done brain, caffeine later, I promise xx)

What happened was this.  Security were getting their underwear in a twist because someone was parked in the disabled spaces without a blue badge.  Quite right too.  A number of emails and disgruntled chats with managers and general kicking up a fuss later, they eventually hunted down the culprit.  ("Ha ha!"  I imagine them saying in glee - "it's the nasty HR lady's office for you!!")  

However said employee promptly took the wind out of their sails by triumphantly producing a blue badge from his glove box and announcing his disability.   Job done, you would think. 

But no.  As it happens, he didn't declare his disability on employment, and as his job is quite physical, his manager was less than happy.  Manager had a chat, employee said "but I did tell you!"  Manager insists he didn't. 

Knock knock on my door.  I get out his file, and in answer to the question on the application form designed specifically for that purpose, he categorically denied it.  Hmmm what to do what to do what to do......

Well, in his favour he's been doing the job no problem for the last 10 months.  His occupational health screen declared him fit for the job.  So what is he guilty of really?  Lying on the application form clearly, but is it worthy of disciplinary as the manager so strongly advocates?

Hence, we end up at 'the chat'.  Why didn't he declare it on the application form? 

'Well', he replies, "the question was 'do you consider yourself to have a disability?' And I don't".  I reply "well clearly you do as otherwise you wouldn't be parking in the disabled bays under a blue badge".  "Fair enough", he says, "actually I was worried I wouldn't get the job.  It's happened before."

What can I do?   He was cleared by occ health.  He's been doing the job no problem.  So all I manage to muster up is a bit of a ticking off for lying in the first place (felt a bit like a schoolteacher actually) and an admonition to keep us updated from now on so we can risk assess and fulfil duty of care and such like and so forth.  Should I have disciplined?  You decide......

Now off to puzzle out how I got duped into having 'the chat' when I think the manager should have dealt with it......

.......and tell the man-at-the-top off for parking in the disabled spaces - again - because he definitely doesn't have a blue badge......

A lovely weekend, pottering about & not doing a lot, and then......it's Monday.  When did the weekend happen again?  Was I there? 

A month on from the man-at the top's promotion, and yours truly's predictions have come true.  He is hardly ever here, when he is here it's only in body, and the majority of the workload in running the organisation has fallen on the rest of the SMT. 

His second in command is having palpitations with the stress (real ones, not the over dramatic feigned ones I get when I've got too much on), & another of his direct reports is getting migraines, muttering darkly when she returns to work her suspicions that they also might be stress related. 

Meanwhile I'm trying to think of a plausible physical symptom of the stress I'm experiencing as a result of dealing with all the stress, so I can get some well-earned R&R, (whoops, did I say that out loud?!) while acknowledging that if I weren't here to listen to their stress, my stress levels wondering what's happening with the stress might well just stress me out enough to finish me off. 

One of our employees has been AWOL for the last 2 weeks.  After 2 weeks of leaving messages on his mobile and eventually with his next of kin just in case with no response, I decided to write to him. 

An opinionated chap who 'knows his rights'(!) I assumed that my letter informing him that as we have had no contact from him and he is not adhering to the absence reporting policy, I have no choice but to stop his wages, would come as no surprise. 

Said letter however, produced a flurry of panicked voicemail messages asking me to call him.  The (often lengthy) messages are somewhat aggressive and state that he has indeed been calling in to night security, that the messages must have gone astray, and that therefore we had no right to stop his pay. 

This despite the fact that we have had absence problems with him before, he has been informed numerous times of the correct procedure (which is that he must speak with his manager) verbally and in hard copy, his manager has left a voicemail message on his mobile every day of absence asking if he is ok and could he call in, and his manager has every day checked with night security to see whether he has called (with the answer, you will be unsurprised to hear, being a consistent no).

So you think you can not show up for 2 weeks, not follow the absence reporting procedure, which you are fully aware of, and ignore your manager's messages for 2 weeks and still be paid?  He has read my letter and just doesn't get it.   aRRgh!

Even if he did call in to night security (which I'm fairly sure he didn't) hooray for him; he's still not adhering to the absence reporting policy, and he's still on unauthorised absence.

This is going to be an interesting phonecall......

I have recently, in my efforts to fulfil motherly duties, achieve work life balance etc etc (not to mention deal with a tricky childcare arrangement) started doing one day a week from home, and I must say, it's been a bit of a culture shock. 

Sitting at the dining table in my living room with a work laptop surrounded by paperwork just seems odd.  Normally my home computer use is all about lounging on the sofa, laptop aslant on a cushion on my lap, social networking and trying to persuade my significant other to let me spend money. 

And there are other things to do at home.  I'll just check on those new plants I put in at the weekend......no, no, should be working.  I might just phone my cousin......no, should be working.  Surely it won't matter if I......stop it! should be working!! 

And it's unnaturally quiet, usually my phone is ringing, people are popping in, but I discovered early on that putting the telly on as background noise doesn't work as I get easily distracted......before I know it I've watched a whole episode of To Buy or Not to Buy and eaten half a packet of biscuits. 

Sigh.  I was always desperate to work from home, envious of those who did; the peace and quiet!  The uninterrupted opportunity to get loads of work done!  Think of the dent I could make in my 'to do' list! 

And although all of that is true and I do gets loads done, I'm finding it takes effort to keep myself on track and in reality it's going to take some getting used to. 

Now, where's the rest of that packet of biscuits?  I think Bargain Hunt is about to start......