October 17, 2007
Today Guru is celebrating the return of imperial ambitions as the UK puts in a claim for the icy wastes of Antarctica.
Apparently, because 1cm of the world’s biggest block of ice protrudes into the offshore waters of the Falkland Islands and South Georgia – a miniscule spec of an island 600 miles east of the Falklands, it belongs to Blighty.
‘British Antarctic Territory’ turns out to be quite a big slab of the ice shelf (about a fifth), but the area being claimed by the UK is also being sought by our good chums in Argentina and Chile who’s lands also nudge into the area in a similarly spurious way.
Guru fully understands the need to grab territory, however, on account of having to
make incursions into neighbouring territory every night to retrieve what is rightfully his – an equal share of the duvet.
Unfortunately, unlike the misguided fools at the Foreign Office, Mrs Guru does not signal her intentions to leave Yours Truly with only 1cm of quilt in advance, and it is only when he is awoken by the Ross Ice Shelf forming on his back that Guru is forced to respond.
Mrs Guru claims it’s nothing to do with asserting her authority over her personal space and insists its all related to the control of conjugal rights. Guru, perhaps naively, has always believed that magic tricks should be allowed anywhere at any time.
This is clearly the case in the South Sea where some serious sleight of hand could bag Britain the biggest chunk of… um… ice, this side of the bigger slab of ice right next to it.
Hopefully, alerting the Argies and Chileans to the UK’s intentions will not scupper our great nation’s land grab – or should that be sea grab?
And after Russia’s Titanic-enhanced ‘foray’ into North Pole territory and the US’s growing interest in Cuba in anticipation of Fidel Castro’s death, its about time the Union Jack rejoined the madness.
Ice pops all round.
