November 22, 2007
As a man of the world, a master of his own destiny and an all-round champion of getting the most from life, Guru rarely has cause to get angry. Today, however, Guru is angry. Very angry.
It has not been a good week. It started off with the government losing all his personal details because they don't understand how the postal system works (forget fraud, Guru just doesn't want anyone knowing how many children he receives benefits for, least of all Mrs Guru). Then it rained so much he forgot what colour the sky was supposed to be and how it felt to wear dry clothes. And just when he thought life on this sorry little island couldn't get any worse, he witnessed the most humiliating football performance since, well, the last time England played. At least he could drown his sorrows with a few over-priced, warm beers in the local chav-infested pub. England is great.
Now, Guru has some advice on how to solve all these problems, but most of it involves either a gun, a one-way ticket to Australia or both. As an HR man first and foremost, however, the most aggrevating, insulting, infuriating and upsetting debacle as far as Yours Truly is concerned has to be the handling of the employment contract of the one and only 'Wally with a Brolly' (thanks, Daily Mail), England manager Steve McClaren.
FA chief executive Brian Barwick made a hash of every single decision relating to the England manager role yet he remains in his post, unchallenged today while McClaren - useless, overpaid, overrated whimp that he is - carries the can.
Barwick oversaw the process that saw first choice manager 'Big Phil' Scolari approached just weeks before he was due to guide Portugal into the World Cup last year. Of course, being a man of honour (something Barwick would surely not comprehend), Scolari turned it down. And promptly led Portugal to beat England in the Quarter-Finals.
This left Barwick with egg on his face so he immediately panicked and turned to the nearest Yes Man he could find to stand at Soho Square and give media-friendly soundbites about the spirit among the lads without having the foggiest idea about how to run a football team. Enter Steve McClaren.
Barwick gave the extraordinarily average ex Middlesborough manager, who has never won a single trophy except the Z-list Carling Cup that no-one else wants, a multimillion pound, four-year contract. That's a four-year contract. To a nobody. At a time when the FA (and thus every football fan in the land) was stil paying off the last expensive failure, Sven Goran Erikkson.
Anyway, McNoHope and Fries got a bumper contract, which paid for some teeth whitening and a hairdo he was so scared to get wet last night that he had to shelter under an FA umbrella drinking coffee while his Rome was burning and England needed him. England under his pathetic leadership inevitably failed to qualify for the European Championships.
Barwick, fresh from watching the game with Prince William, called a breakfast meeting with his FA board and, over lattes and croissants, they decided that McClaren really should go old boy. Wise words indeed, although the horse did seem to have bolted by this point. To Barbados. With a £2.5m payoff.
Guru despairs that people so bad at what they do as Barwick, McClaren and all the England players can be millionaires, living the life of riley while the rest of us suffer life in this country the hard way.
Football is not, whatever ex Liverpool manager Bill Shankley said, more important than life or death. But it is more important than a paper cup of coffee, an FA umbrella, a load of mock tudor mansions in Cheshire and an inept FA chief executive with less HR savvy than a four-day old prawn sandwich.
Disciples, your comments are welcome.
Comments (1)
Guru, Dont be annoyed or even worried about the recent loss of data. all 25 million names and bank details are east european claiments.
Posted by Disciple Neil | November 29, 2007 1:38 PM
Posted on November 29, 2007 13:38