December 18, 2007
Nice to see that Christmas spirit extends to the good folk of Liverpool – those folk so tarnished by their association with the big bad Boris (the Turk) Johnson.
Johnson made the mistake of dissing the good people of the rain-soaked north western port – berating them for 'wallowing in their victim status', on account of their sea gates facing the US rather than Europe.
Well in the past few months, the so-called wallowers have taken matters into their own hands in a bid to change their ways.
It seems the good robber folk of the UK's fifth city have been forced into a paradoxical bid to create jobs where none existed.
Usually famed for their legendary sense of humour, ability to laugh at themselves (which strangely diminished after Boris dared to speak his mind), and... um... their ability to... er... go 'out on the rob', hot-wire cars (largely down to TV hysteria shows Brookside and Shameless) and, of course, football, Liverpudlians are nothing if not self-starters. And now they've gone and developed a unique way of 'developing talent'.
By combining several of the attributes listed above, the Scousers and their chums have reduced the dole queue considerably after robbers carried out a series of attacks on the homes of five Liverpool footballers (and one Everton player, but there is clearly a wage discrepancy going on between the red and blue halves of the city).
Now, Liverpool and England superstar Steven Gerrard has joined their ranks and, as a result, rather than plundering the goods from famous footballers and their wives, the heavy bevvy men of Toxteth and Lime Street are now fighting for security jobs as Rafa Benitez and his boys tool up with security guards to stem the flow of white goods, plasma screens and all the other 'sports bar' tat that has been stolen from the city's 'modern day gladiators'.
And while Guru has previously advocated going on the rob, Judging by the interior of 'little Stevie G's' house the public (and the criminal classes) are entitled to be protected from such bad taste.
