January 18, 2008
Gordon Brown, according to the Daily Mirror today, "stared death in the face" yesterday. Dramatic stuff.
So how could this happen? Was he ambushed by terror forces on an unannounced visit to Afghanastan? Did he get trapped underwater while examining the floods in Tewkesbury? Was he cornered by Alastair Darling at a Number 10 drinks reception?
No - worse than all these horrors - the brave prime minister survived being sat on the Heathrow tarmac almost a kilometre away from where a different plane landed a few yards short of the runway and didn't kill anyone. More a case of mildly gazing at slight injury's eyebrows than staring death in the face, Guru feels.
However, this report was not the only piece of hyperbole in the description of yesterday's events. One witness - that guy gets everywhere - said that the pilot "deserves a medal the size of a frying pan".
What? Does such a thing exist? Unless Mrs Guru is using an unusually large cooking implement to make Guru's breakfast, a medal the size of a frying pan would be quite an honour. Surely if such a medal was to be invented, it should be given to, say, a war hero, a human rights activist or a reality TV show winner rather than someone who landed a plane, pretty badly.
On closer inspection, however, Guru wonders whether 'one witness' actually knew something we didn't. Perhaps his frying-pan-sized-medal gives us a clue as to the pilot... wasn't a black man with a mohican seen running from the scene? Perhaps the medal is owed to none other than '80s TV hero, Mr T.
Come on, no-one else could pull off such a huge medallion. And just look at the flight number - BA038, a clear reference to Mr T's A-Team character BA Baracas.
It also solves the mystery as to why the plane crashed in the first place... BA must have woken prematurely from the drugged stupor his colleagues put him into in order to get him on a plane. He must have realised where he was, panicked and brought the plane down as quickly as he could, skillfully resting it at the foot of the runway.
So he deserves his well judged wok-shaped medal.
Are there any bizarre-shaped awards you feel people at your company deserve for unusual feats? Let Guru know by posting below or emailing guru@personneltoday.com.
