January 10, 2008
Having felt the wrath of Mrs Guru for failing to iron her dress when pressing his own shirt prior to attending a swanky event recently, Guru has some sympathy for the poor American fools who dared to mess with shy and retiring US presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton.
Apparently, a pair of banner-wielding dudes started shouting "iron my shirt" in a show of support for her multi-tasking abilities, in the run-up to the New Hampshire primary. The men were clearly looking to get a global audience, as otherwise they'd have put 'iron my pants' instead of trousers, which in the UK is confined to the seriously uptight.
Curiously, in response to the request Clinton said "Can we turn the lights on? It's awfully dark," in some weird coded message to the police who then removed the men.
As the men were carted off they may well have had cause to worry as this incident happened in Salem Massachusetts, legendary home of the witch trials of 1692 when one man was crushed to death under a pile of rocks for no good reason and 19 others were hanged on equally spurious grounds (or, more accurately from the bough of a tree).
As the hapless 'Salem two' disappeared from view, the crowd began chanting "Iron my shirt! Iron my shirt!". Clinton laughed off the incident, but then added mysteriously: "I am running to break through the highest and hardest glass ceiling" – a phrase likely to add fuels to the demonic flames gripping at least one... um... bunch of extremist God botherers, which has been insisting that Clinton herself is an actual witch on account of the brooch she wears on its comedy website.
Of course, it being the good ol' US of A an' all, it's difficult to tell if the group's blessing will be a help or a hindrance as Hilly bids to become the first female American president and strike a blow for workplace equality everywhere.
But she did offer to 'demon'strate (there's another coded message if ever there was one) top ironing techniques to anyone who'd missed that lesson in high school.
Asking a woman to iron a shirt, as Guru has found to his cost, is perhaps a more serious crime than doing magic or turning base metal into gold. Having said that, Mrs Guru regularly takes Yours Truly's base metal and somehow manages to convince a man down the high street to transform his cash into sparkling trinkets.
