January 4, 2008
Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the workplace, along comes a real reason for staying at home. Or, more specifically, staying in bed, alone, with no form of contact with anyone else… ever. Well for a couple of days at least.
For there is a virulent virus at large across the land, laying low record numbers of men, women and children… Not to mention oldies and quite possibly small rodents and pig-related creatures on account of their genetic similarity to the more upright species – humans.
And for once it’s not ‘bird flu’ – as distinct from ‘man flu’, which is clearly far more serious as Yours Truly often uses it as an… um… reason for not turning up to the latest ligging opportunity… sorry, important corporate event.
No, this time it’s the snowtime sensation that is winter vomiting, AKA the 'norovirus' – as opposed to the ‘no, no, no’ virus which has failed to get its claws into big-haired, big-voiced chanteuse Ms Amy Winehouse, who feels compelled to say ‘yes, yes, yes’ to every opportunity for excess that comes her way.
Of course, the ‘Wino’, ‘Winebox’ or ‘Winelodge’ as more downmarket websites have affectionately dubbed the beehive babe, did manage to say no to doing her official tour dates and even wriggled out of appearing in the video for her hit single Valerie (courtesy of Mark Ronson).
Guru notes that, unlike the hordes of ‘workers’ currently ‘throwing a sickie’ after their own festive excesses, the Winelake has a real excuse, what with her husband being banged up in chokey and the constant pressure of the ‘pooparazzi’ – AKA mindless imbeciles with cameras – following her every move.
But with so many potential illnesses – not forgetting the rampaging superbug MRSA that stalks every hospital corridor in the land – the young singing sensation can rest easy in the knowledge she is not alone.
Recent reports suggest that more than 100,000 people a week have been catching the norovirus, which provides a handy excuse for the 900 billion people already taking the rest of this week off – keeping up the good work they started at the beginning of the festive season with a mass stay-at-home protest.
