Guru

The article is informatively and enticingly titled 'Eleven Tips on Getting More Efficiency Out of Women Employees'. Guru will focus on just a few of the best...

Tip Three: 'General experience indicates that husky girls - those just a little on the heavy side - are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.' Guru wonders whether 'even-tempered' is a polite way of saying 'dosile' or 'in a cake-fuelled stupor'. Hopefully they will be efficient at introducing Guru to their underweight sisters.

Tip Five: 'Stress at the outset the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Unless this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up.' Well, three cheers and a magnum of champagne to the man who can get that point across. Discussing last night's Eastenders plot does not get the photocopying done, ladies.

Tip Six: 'Give the female employee a definite day-long set of duties so that they'll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes.' Sound advice, sound advice.

Tip Eight: 'Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.' Most of these activities are now done while at the desk, on the Tube or in a car in Guru's experience.

Tip Eleven: 'Get enough size variety in operator's uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can't be stressed too much in keepin women happy.' Guru has always believed in th importance of all girls in the workforce being proper fit.

And there you have it. Lessons from your forefathers. And we won the war, didn't we? So let's start taking note.