Archive | February, 2008

29 February: as strange as ever

Happy Leap Day, disciples. Have any of you been down on bended knee to your commitment-phobe boyfriends? How about you, ladies? Traditionally, of course, 29 February was seen as a day beyond English law, one where anything goes and the impossible became the norm. Looking around today, Guru feels that not much has changed.
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Drumming up support

Drummers, Guru has long suspected, are the leaders of a superior race, living quietly(ish) among us, waiting for their moment to take over the world. Surely Ringo Starr knew something we didn’t as he 4/4 beat his way into human consciousness, first with the Beatles, then more prominently with Thomas the Tank Engine.
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Act of God proves Guru hotline to Almighty

Guru’s mystical powers know no bounds, it seems. No sooner had he speculated on seriously unlikely things that could happen to a man locked in a bank up north, than God Almighty takes an interest to prove Mr Whitmarsh’s concerns totally founded by smoting an area oop north with a genuine earthquake. Let’s hope Mr […]
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Banking on honest Brits to refrain from arson

News that a man and his dog getting locked into a branch of HSBC bank failed to set alarm bells ringing at the global finance giant ought to be a bit of a concern for anyone who’s money is tied up with this slack operation. However, Guru’s alarm bells were set a-ringing by the eternally […]
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Unison press release

Hair-brained Unison makes public gaffe

Yesterday’s CV writers, of course, appear unaware of spellcheckers, but most people involved in publishing use it wisely, taking full advantage of Microsoft’s red squiggles beneath misspelt (or should that be miss-spelled?) words. This by no means puts a complete end to errors being published for all to see – our great country’s all too […]
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Busty reminder of need for CV rigour

Being a fan of both charismatic curriculum vitae and ample shirt potatoes, Guru can not see the problem with a job candidate putting down their contact email address as bigboobs@yahoo.com. However, it seems that 63% of employers have seen inappropriate personal email addresses such as the above and the equally intriguing hotstuff@hotmail.com.
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Very un-PC behaviour

News reaches Guru from Disciple Caroline that two of the nation’s beloved un-PC coppers have been behaving very badly indeed. Rather than taking the customary route of releasing their pent-up agression on the nearest member of the public, it seems two Rozzers in Wales have taken to acting like the Slag Brothers from hit Seventies […]
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Military rule

Finally some common sense and a logical idea to exterminate two very troublesome birds with one perfectly aimed, nuclear-tipped stone. The feathered enemies in question are lack of discipline among today’s youngsters, and problems readjusting to civilian life for those leaving the Armed Forces. The stone, if the Centre for Policy Studies has its way, […]
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Aural assault leave lugholes languishing

As befits one with more aural capacity than most, on account of having less follicle matter surrounding his lugholes (see side view above), Guru likes to keep his ear to the ground, as it were, to pick up juicy bits of HR stuff and nonsense. So when getting his weekly fix of the Personnel Today […]
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George Bush gives thumbs up to torturers

A surprise champion for unsung professionals has emerged from the shadows to save an endangered profession from what would undoubtedly have been a slow and painful death. Expressing his concern that they were a dying breed – or at the very least, the keepers of a dying art – torturers everywhere can now breath a […]
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