February 1, 2008
Disciple Susie has alerted Guru to the latest flight of fantasy to be embarked upon by our Teutonic cousins in their relentless quest for unconquered territory.
Never having been accused of lacking naked ambition, readers may be relieved to hear that this particular German adventure has nothing to do with the Red Baron or Der Luftwaffe, but there is a mysterious 'party' involved – the FKK.
Apparently, this stands for Freikorperkultur, which translates as free body culture. Or more obviously 'nudist Germans'. And from today, our in-the-buff chums will be able to book nudist flights with OssiUrlaub, a company dedicated to providing outings for former East Germans.
The ominously named boss of OssiUrlaub, Enrico Hess, has claimed to be inspired by the Communists and their love of gambolling stark naked through the woods.
Naturally, there are some rules to abide by on the £370 day-return flights to the Baltic island of Usedom: Passengers will only be able to disrobe once on board the plane, and the crew will remain fully clothed 'for security reasons' – on account, no doubt, of the serious weapons they carry in their pockets.
One drawback for passengers is the fact that they will be compelled to sit on giant sanitary pads to comply with hygiene rules, and piping hot drinks will not be available on health and safety grounds.
It is also unlikely that couples will be encouraged to join the mile-high club as the FKK frowns upon gratuitous acts of a sexual nature... apparently.
Guru himself once bumped into the hordes from the FKK... on a beach in the Canary Islands – fully togged up in a regulation army swimming attire, reading a copy of Slaughterhouse 5.
Visited by a delegation of Black Forest dwellers selling 'meatballs', an over-dressed Guru clearly did not want to rub them up the wrong way. But he had to politely decline their kind offer due to his inability to distinguish between the salty beef on offer and the salesman's very own... erm... roustons, which seemed to be occupying the same plate.
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