February 4, 2008
In this multi-media, web 2.0, 24-hour news, all-blogging, all-dancing culture in which Guru is told we now live, Yours Truly has to find an amusing, interesting and topical few words for his disciples every single day. This could present quite a challenge, were it not for the government’s hilarious handling of immigration.
It’s the gift that keeps on giving. Today Guru learnt that after 10 months’ work by a quango called the Commission on Integration and Cohesion, the government is to introduce welcome packs for migrants containing advice to help them feel integrated into British society.
The most brilliant thing here is that the Commission on Integration and Cohesion has obviously spent none of its 10 months in Britain as the advice given is the exact way not to fit in with our citizens.
If immigrants follow this advice they will be ostracised up and down the land, standing apart from born-and-bred Brits like a sore thumb covered in pickles and cold meats. Just look at the list:
ADVICE TO IMMIGRANTS
Don't drink and drive
Don't drop litter
Put bins out for collection on the correct day
Make sure children attend school
Get a licence before you go fishing
Don't touch people without their permission
Respect the law
Avoid spitting in the street
Don't play music loudly
Surely this is the exact way to stand out from your neighbour and work colleague? Foreign workers may as well be told to answer the phone politely, offer other people the chance to sit down on the Tube or bus, and never, ever check Facebook during work hours. ENDS
