March 28, 2008
Disciple Steve, has alerted Guru to the benefits of being called Steve, being from the South East and being a ‘capricorn’.
Apparently a spurious survey by recruitment firm Reed found that uncontrary to popular belief, people who live in the most affluent part of the country command the highest salaries.
Shockingly, its survey also confirmed that women earn less than men and that older workers expect to earn more than younger staff.
And if it’s big money your after, then steer clear of Northern Ireland, which pays its workers substantially less wonga than everywhere else.
On the name front it seems that Adam and Danielle expect very little for their efforts, and while top female moniker Jane anticipates a juicy annual cheque for the princely sum of £20,346, that’s way behind the big guns that are Ian (£24,168), Graham (£24,324) and on top of the cashpile Steve (£26,482).
The survey of 850,000 workers clearly failed to tap into the real top earners, however, as a quick glance at the longest-serving chief execs in the FTSE 100 reveals absolutely no Steves at all. And no Janes, no Ians and no Grahams.
However, a lot of the top CEOs are called ‘Sir’, so Yours Truly suggests that that’s the real ticket to bunce heaven. That or changing your name to ‘Lord’ or ‘Lady’.
Guru also suspects that ‘Guru’ attracts more than the average bear, but as he insists on being remunerated in gold bullion its difficult to calculate.
Quite why being born between 23 December and 19 January, ie, a capricorn, should lead to a bigger wad is not made clear. And the survey failed to reveal if wages plummet for those saddos born on 20 January - would that be a leprechaun, as that might explain the poor money in the land of the fairies?
But Yours Truly has never subcribed to the notion of astrology, only admitting, when pushed, that he was born under a 'bad sign' – one with a picture of badly drawn lion eating a Ffyffes banana. Due to its similarity, Guru can only suppose the lion was a distant cousin of the equally badly drawn lion being eaten by bees that adorns tins of Tate & Lyle Golden Syrup. Perhaps the eating the banana led to its premature death.
