March 15, 2008
Fat people have fallen off the radar of late – probably as a result of reaching tipping point due to eating too many bourbon creams.
However, as Guru dunked his 15th custard cream in his afternoon tea, he was reminded that, despite the National Audit Office's insistence that tubsters are a burden on the state – costing all of us £2.5bn – employing lardy lummocks does have its benefits and perhaps recruiters should be targeting the... ahem... more generously proportioned individual.
Just ask Julius Caesar, top roman and all round, self-delusional nervous nellie...
Caesar's nervy plight was nicely captured by the Bard:
Let me have men about me that are fat,
Sleek-headed men, and such as sleep a-nights.
Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look;
He thinks too much: such men are dangerous...
Would he were fatter! But I fear him not...
I rather tell thee what is to be feared
Than what I fear; for always I am Caesar
Honest... he's not scared.
But it does make the point, that fat can mean trustworthy. Although it could be argued that 'fat' means too food-focused to be bothered to do anything nasty or illegal... or put another way... um... lazy.
Either way, the 'sleek headed' lose out to tubbos every time.
So, perhaps, when employers get involved in the 'war for talent', they should be looking for an above average BMI (body mass index) when they are looking to recruit. After all, fattism is one of the final few selection criteria available to the average recruiter and its an asset that takes time to nurture. And the brilliant thing about it is that most enormously obese people don't think they are overweight at all, on account of being as delusional as Caesar.
Which makes it a win win situation for the employer. Fat people, who are unlikely (and unable) to move and who, far from eating into profits, and looking to take your job, will pile on the pounds (in all senses) for the business.
Guru notes that the good ol' US of A is the most powerful nation on earth. It also happens to be the pretty much the fattest. Could the two possibly be connected?
Interestingly, caesar salad provides 12% of the recommended daily amount of fat that a person requires, so if everyone packed two or three portions into a Tupperware box rather than munching on unhealthy food from the canteen, we'd all be fatter, yet paradoxically healthier.
And stressed out delusionals like Caesar himself could rest easy in their beds, safe in the knowledge that we're all too busy counting calories to overthrow them.
