April 8, 2008
Guru notes that former chef John Loughrey will soon be available for work following six months self-employment following the High Court inquest into the deaths of Di, Dodi and Henri in a Paris tunnel.
Having spent most of the time covered in fake tan, with the words 'Diana' and 'Dodi' painted on his head, Loughrey certainly has tunnel vision – having been told to attend the inquiry by a vision, or rather 'four fingers' on his shoulder – and is surely one of the most dedicated... erm... obsessives to have graced the court with his presence.
He even got an honorable mention from the judge, who noted that he was probably the only person other that his bewiggedness himself and the jury to have had the stamina to make it through the whole inquiry.
Such dedication would presumably be easily transferred to a new occupation, so headhunters - particularly those interested in face painting – could do no worse than look up this hyper-royalist for the next 'I'm a celebrity get me something or other' programme to make it onto the nation's TV screens. He's clearly an (un)natural.
He could be lined up alongside other surreally orange 'celebrities', such as David Dickinson and Paris Hilton for a remake of It's a Royal Knockout, thereby enabling prince Edward to resurrect his disastrous career as a TV producer and affording the equally red-faced (and haired) ginger prince an opportunity to use his military training to good effect by acting as celebrity sniper.
Loughrey thinks there will be a portrait of him hanging in Kensington Palace in 100 years' time. Yours Truly thinks it will be a lot earlier than that judging from the general bad taste displayed by the young royals. After all, the warlord prince is sure to want a signed portrait of the obsessive chef to hang alongside his Nazi uniform.
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