April 2, 2008
Disciple Caroline, alerted Yours Truly to the wonders of a YouGov survey which suggests that Londoners are losing 13 million hours a year waiting around for 'the tradesman who never comes'.
Apparently, this figure only relates to 'property maintenance' dudes. Which means that if supermarket home delivery services are factored in, the average Brit is hanging around fiddling with their own door knob for around 200 million hours a year, waiting for the damned elusive fixers who eventually turn up at about half-past tea time on Saturday or Sunday.
While Guru applauds their canny ways in getting to claim overtime, he does feel obliged to offer the following, slightly obvious, solution.
To encourage the low-maintenance Lazyboys to mend their weekend ways, Yours Truly suggests giving them a dose of their own medicine.
When they actually do turn up... hide behind the sofa.
Guru can confirm this strategy works, as he's been using it for years to avoid the taxman, the meter-reader, the milkman, the insurance collector, the mother-in-law, his distant cousins from darkest Canada, members of her majesty's constabulary and, of course, the one-eyed neo-bag lady 'committee member' who busies herself bothering local residents about parking zones, street lighting and the like.
And when they turn up again... Do it again... And again... And again.... etc, etc, etc.
Admittedly, nothing gets fixed and goods do not arrive, but that's a small price to pay for the smug satisfaction of knowing the low-maintenance crew are being frustrated.
Any other top tips for dealing with the workshy workforce will be gratefully received. Just e-mail Yours Truly at guru@personneltoday.com
