May 20, 2008
News that police officers in Mozambique are getting called 'cake-eater' on account of being too fat to run after criminals reminds Guru that he must get on to his local constabulary to advise them about the recruitment of community support officers.
When confronted with youths making merry with wheely bins in a village near Chez Guru, the local community beat combo patrolling the area were given the complete runaround, as one was so fat she couldn't get out of the patrol car quick enough - not wanting to spill too much of the half-eaten bucket of popcorn and mega-big fizzy drink from the 'Health-e-chomper burger bar' - to apprehend even a nine-year-old miscreant... who had her leg in plaster.
A quick straw poll of other local towns revealed that at least one member of all the two-person community patrols was a serious cake addict, and Guru suspects that the police may have allowed the purchase of a job-lot of outsized officer uniforms to dictate recruitment policy in this area. Still at least the rozzers cannot be accused of being 'fattist'.
Which is more than can be said for the crimefighters down Mexico way, where self-indulgent eat-to-the-beat (banana) peelers are being bribed to stop all their scoffing.
A nice idea, but it sounds like a rallying call for the Zapatista revolutionaries in Chiapas,
as Yours Truly has heard that their leader, subcommondante Marcos,
likes an occasional pastry and could easily mobilise the bakers of
Central America in a food-based bid to lure rejected cops to the
revolution.
Meanwhile, the anti-fat inheritors
of power in former Soviet Bloc stronghold Romania - the super-steroid
men-women who occupy most senior police roles - have been forced to
accept desk jobs due to their immobility and general grossness.
It seems our Eastern European cousins are concerned that the tubbies will damage the image of the Romanian police force.
Guru
notes that they will undoubtedly cause damage to the furniture in the
office, the floors in common areas, as well as causing a severe dent to
the morale of other, less
-fat, non-patrol staff.
On
the flip side, however, they will be a boon for local bakeries, so if
the Zapatistas ever decide to branch out then Subcommondante Marcos
could expand his vision to include Europe and the rest of the world.
All
this talk of savoury goods, is making Yours Truly salivate, so he is
off to his local Zapatista-supporting, bread-based communal tortilla
facility to purchase some jam doughnuts - note: 'donut' should only be
used to refer to our fat American cousins.
Posted for your edification by Guru on May 20, 2008 1:42 PM
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Comments (1)
Why is a fat tummy or being able to chase crooks a problem???... they could just adopt the UK system and have the Bobby sit at a desk and wait for crooks to turn themselves in
Posted by Disciple Neil | May 22, 2008 10:54 AM
Posted on May 22, 2008 10:54