May 27, 2008
Guru has to admire their sense of adventure and world wiseness.
On their first night of shore leave in Istanbul, where did the 300-strong crew of the Royal Navy carrier Illustrious head for? A bazaar, perhaps? A dusty local square with sheesha pipes and grazing camels?
No, these boys and girls had a much better idea. They found a delightful local venue on a hidden side street. It had to be authentic: it was called The Turkish Pub.
Once inside, according to the Daily Mail, sailors of both sexes kissed and groped each other, exposed themselves and simulated sex, disgusting the locals.
Hang on a minute. Locals? In a place called The Turkish Pub? Guru wishes to offer up his other leg for a damn good pulling.
Actually there was at least one Turkish man in The Turkish Pub - the barman, Omur Ugurlu. And he was disgusted, the Daily Mail can prove it.
"Their behaviour was disgusting," he said.
"There were hundreds of them, and they drank like fish," he added, rolling his bank notes up, getting into his new Porsche and driving to Abra Kebabra to serve donna meat with chilli sauce in a similarly disgusted but profitable way.
Of course, if fish really drank that much, the oceans would be dry. Perhaps the metaphor should become 'they drank like British sailors in The Turkish Pub'. Disgusting.
Captain Steve Chick said: "I have not received any complaints or reports of incidents involving my crew.
"However, I am aware of photographs which appear to show that a very small minority of my sailors behaved inappropriately. I have reminded them of the high standards expected of those in the Royal Navy."
Exactly what those standards are is a matter for speculation, but Guru is off to Basra to open The Iraqi Pub and watch the money, half-naked girls and simulated sex roll in. He may just offer special morale-boosting team visits to HR professionals while he's at it.
