Archive | June, 2008

Jobs for sale

Guru takes his cork-festooned hat off to Ian Usher, the British man who decided to leave his adopted home of Australia in style last week by selling his entire life on eBay. The 44-year-old, who shares his surname with a hip hop star and his haircut with white-boy hip hop disa-star Tim Westwood – auctioned off […]
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Lagging lobotomy could land B&Q in court

People talk a lot of rubbish – and Guru should know, being a serial offender on this score – but of late it seems our politicians have been joining the fray – presumably in a bit to replace John Prescott, the one-man gibberish God. And Harriet Harman’s latest outpourings on equality had Yours Truly choking […]
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Boffin brainstorms cause a right rumpus

Always a big fan of big cameras on the streets of Blighty to scupper the nefarious dealings of UK Wasters plc, Guru notes that top boffins have developed a CCTV camera that allegedly ‘listens’ for signs of trouble. Good news then for the UK’s honest traders and users of civic amenities. Dave Brown (no doubt […]
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Tubbo thumping does a fat lot of good

Feeding the nation ridiculous statistics is the meat and drink of the nation’s national newspaper hacks – and the fatheads who gorge themselves on the flaky numbers that rarely add up. However, the nation’s lard-watchers are now sitting in their specially reinforced chairs feasting on a smorgasbord of spurious statistics from the NHS about fat […]
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Taxi for Hamilton

Taxi driver Trevor Hamilton is in the papers today for finding £9,000 in used bank notes in the back of his cab – and handing it in to his employers.        
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Weight monitors at work

Guru’s Scottish cousin Willie McGuru nearly choked on his deep fried mars bar this morning when he read that workers north of the border were to be ‘encouraged’ to enter their weight into their company intranets. A scheme by the devolved government will apparently see employers using new software to monitor staff weight levels, spot […]
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Cop out throws dim light on US police recruitment

From the New York Times: A federal judge in the US has dismissed a lawsuit by a man who was barred from the New London police force because he scored too high on an intelligence test. In a ruling made public on Tuesday, judge Peter C Dorsey of the United States District Court in New […]
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Dental-phobia costing jobs

Yet another sign that society is becoming shallower. A survey by The Ultimate Smile Spa found nearly two thirds of employers would be put off hiring someone if they had “unattractive teeth”. Yes, poor dental hygiene topped the list of physical turn-offs for employers at 62%, beating out top contenders like excessive sweating, dirty fingernails and bad skin.
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Pikey madness grips the nation

Guru is saddened to hear that the legendary British sense of humour has taken a knock over the use of the word ‘pikey’ by former racing driver and now trackside pundit Martin Brundle. Brundle aksed Formula supremo Bernie “the prune” Ecclestone what he thought about the “pikeys relaying the tarmac on turn 10″ or something […]
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ComfortZone built in portapotty to inspire loyalty

When it comes to office politics it seems the UK’sworkforce likes to do it on a really super soft sofa, with tea andcoffee-making facilities close at hand, soft lighting and a supply of lightchocolate snacks. Guru only knows this on account of reading a Personnel Today report on a report on what really motivates staff […]
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