Archive | July, 2008

ladyboy.jpg

Thai transsexual toilets trigger sign maker panic

Sign makers the length and breadth of the land are hurriedly trying to come up with a suitable design for “the third toilet”. The stickman design so popular in the UK does not lend itself well to an icon for transsexuals it seems. The picture right is from Kampang Secondary School in Pattaya, Thailand, which […]
Continue Reading

Two large bedrooms, parking space, lesbians…

With house prices tumbling, mortgage approvals drying to a trickle and interest rates soaring, you would think estate agents would be doing all they could to woo potential customers. Not those at the particulalry oddly named Jackson-Stops & Staff in Suffolk, who used the word ‘lesbians’ as a reference number for the house they were […]
Continue Reading

Boris wins Guru over

Who should stumble past Guru in the tree-lined gardens outside Canary Wharf station this sunny morning than the blonde bombshell himself, mayor of London Boris Johnson. Guru’s first thought was “That’s Boris Johnson’. His second thought was ‘As he’s speaking at an event I’m trying to find, perhaps I should turn around and follow him’.”
Continue Reading

The breast job in the world

Guru thought he had found the perfect job when he saw the job ad for someone to drink with Jack Hammond, 88, at £7 an hour. But within the first four words of a news story on the radio today, Yours Truly knew he had been wrong. “The breast biomechanics team at the University of Portsmouth…” […]
Continue Reading
darwin-anderson.jpg

Canoe’s this at the CBI?

One of Guru’s eagle-eyed disciples has spotted the remarkable similarity between canoe wife fraudster Anne Darwin and the CBI’s director of HR policy Susan Anderson. Separated at birth or something rather more sinister? Guru demands to be told… One thing’s for certain, you never see the two of them in the same room at the […]
Continue Reading

MPs’ recess excess

Raging at the amount of time teachers have off over the summer (enough not to need to strike and take months of sick leave during term, you’d have thought) Guru phoned the government to complain today. However, Yours Truly almost passed out when he heard the government were off as well – until October! If ever you […]
Continue Reading

The £1m bum

As a man who has long understood the value of a good backside, Guru was pleased to see bed manufacturer Silentnight ensure one of its employees’ arses for £1 million. Bosses at the firm’s base in Barnoldswick, Lancashire, have reportedly signed up to premium premiums on bed tester Graham Butterfield’s sensitive buttocks.
Continue Reading

‘Fireproof’ MPs shafted by excessive wind

Guru had been pondering on why so many MPs just get away with it. Get away with outlandish statements, get away with outlandish shoes, or simply get away without doing much at all – apart from the occasional bit of jeering. But now it seems these untouchables, these dolittles, these apparently fireproof fools can be […]
Continue Reading

Mice work if you can get it

Following on from the revelation that mice hold the key to the return of the lunchtime booze-up… erm… harmless beer and a sandwich… Guru notes that our whiskered mini-chums are now leading the way in research into why people are fat – essential reading for workplace managers everywhere, what with the increased wear and tear […]
Continue Reading

Lies, damned lies and workplace illness

Guru was recovering in bed from a particularly non-lethal bout of man flu this morning when he accidentally sat on the remote control, lost a classic episode of Monty Python on UK Gold, switched over to the news and discovered that, in the last year alone, up to six million Brits have sued their employers […]
Continue Reading