Guru

Guru calls for the reinstatement of the much maligned lunchtime drink as a swift remedy for workplace angst, but also notes that, where problems persist - ie, where teetotallers insist on not drinking - employees should be subject to the same rigorous tests that revealed the extent of the problem among the mini-rats.

According to the Telegraph: "The mice were tested for depression-like behaviour using a widely recognised method called the Porsolt Swim Test. Each rodent was placed inside a beaker filled with water and allowed to swim for six minutes. The amount of time they spend immobile - floating and not swimming - was measured as an index of despair or depression-like behaviour."

Leaving aside the fact that having to swim in a beaker would be deeply depressing, even to a mouse, the 'swim-or-die' technique could be used to lighten up the most doom-laden workplace. 

After all, no office in the land could fail to benefit from having an enormous, water-filled plastic cup in the middle of the room. Anyone failing to display complete contentment could then be dunked until they cheered up.

Better still, Yours Truly suggests employers avoid the problem altogether by filling the giant beaker full of red wine and supplying straws.