August 5, 2008
Perhaps it was just coincidence that two news items came to Guru's attention simultaneously this morning.
But as Yours Truly heard that this year's Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development annual conference would focus on how HR professionals could survive the economic gloom, he was reading about the launch of a machine that gives people orgasms.
The implications - to a mind as fertile as Guru's at least - are, well, mind-blowing.
Forget defined benefit pension schemes, effective communication and strong leadership - the way to employee engagement is through the Slightest Touch machine.
According to its manufacturers, Slightest Touch can trigger an orgasm without touching a woman's genital area. Perfect then, for the workplace. Perhaps it could be used instead of bonus payments to cut back costs during these lean times.
Women - for it is designed for them - start by drinking an electrolyte sports drink 20 minutes before using the device. They then apply two white electrode pads inside their ankles, which are connected to the Slightest Touch machine, itself about the size of a personal stereo.
They are then the flick of a switch away from ecstacy.
Guru has patented plans for a similar device with a remote control button that can be flicked by an employee's HR manager. That should see an end to confrontational grievance meetings.
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