Guru

Snails are funny creatures, aren't they? What with purpose built homes on their slimy backs, eyes on stalks and fear of the French.

But Guru was most surprised to see the little blighters pop up in the Sex and Power report by the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) on the lack of women in top jobs.

Bizzarely, the equality watchdog used the pace of snails to demonstrate the lack of progress in women breaking the so-called glass ceiling.

Here are its examples, for your amusement. A snail could crawl (slither?);

• nine times round the M25 in the 55 years it will take women to achieve equality in the senior judiciary
• from Land's End to John O'Groats and halfway back again in the 73 years it will take for equal numbers of women to become directors of FTSE 100 companies
• the entire length of the Great Wall of China in 212 years, only slightly longer than the 200 years it will take for women to be equally represented in Parliament.

Guru wonders who at the EHRC calculated how long these epic snail journeys would take, and how much that individual is being paid.

At the risk of labouring the point as well, why would a snail want to travel from one end of the country to the other, or circumnavigate the M25 motorway nine times? Just who exactly is this snail trying to impress?

Guru wonders what relevance these stats actually have. Answers on the back of a snail please...