November 4, 2008
The government has put £27m of EU cash up for grabs for projects that help people improve their skills and stay in work or find a new job.
In fact, the government may as well tell everyone to stop drawing up their proposals, and just give the entire £27m to Guru. With that money, Yours Truly will pay for a giant sign, the length of the UK, which says 'No more money if you don't work'.
Jobseekers Allowance would then immediately be stopped, and replaced with vouchers for milk, bread, vitamins, kneedles, thread and training sessions. Cars, TVs, Nintendo Wiis and duty free fags would be impounded and sold off to pay for upkeep on the massive sign.
Then Guru would sit back and relax as training providers and employers were inundated with people looking to 'boost their employment opportunities'. Once all 600,000 vacancies in the UK have been filled, the credit crunch will be over and jobs will be two-a-penny once more.
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