January 28, 2009
Guru enjoys a nice bit of classical music, nothing relieves the stress of a hard day at the office than blasting out Handel's Messiah while sipping a strong G&T. But little did he know that some poor chap in the string section would be suffering so much for our pleasure.
In perhaps what is one of the greatest ever medical wind-ups, two doctors have finally confessed to submitting a spoof letter to the British Medical Journal in 1974 describing a condition they dubbed 'cello scrotum'.
Their missive was prompted by a letter about a not-quite-as-painful sounding condition labelled 'guitar nipple' published in an earlier issue.
Cello scrotum was recently quoted in a BMJ article on health problems associated with making music, prompting the authors to finally admit they were talking a load of b*llocks.
The musician pictured here definitely IS NOT, despite facial appearances, suffering from Cello Scrotum.
The full text of their confession is as follows:
"Perhaps after 34 years it's time for us to confess that we invented cello scrotum. Reading Dr Curtis's 1974 letter to the BMJ on guitar nipple, we thought it highly likely to be a spoof and decided to go one further by submitting a letter pretending to have noted a similar phenomenon in cellists. Anyone who has ever watched a cello being played would realise the physical impossibility of our claim.
"Somewhat to our astonishment, the letter was published. The following Christmas we sent a card to Dr Curtis of guitar nipple fame, only to discover that he knew nothing about it--another joke we suspect. We have been dining out on this story ever since."
Guru wonders what other phoney conditions musicians could pretend to suffer from in order to get some time off. How about Violinists' Elbow, Trumbone Finger or Flutist Tongue?
For the meantime though, the nation's male cellists can sit easy in their chairs, safe in the knowledge their goolies are irritation-free.
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