March 11, 2009
Fighting your way through a busy London shopping centre can sometimes seem like engaging in ruthless arm-to-arm combat.
Now the capital's shoppers can put their battle skills to the test as the military unveils its new 'Army Showrooms'.
The first stores are opening in shopping centres in Hackney and Hounslow with more to follow dependent on their success. Army top brass are targeting people in inner city London boroughs as, according to officials, they have the highest proportion of people eligible to join the Army - ie. bored, tooled-up hoodies.
The showrooms will have a range of virtual activities - Guru is disappointed to note there will be know actual shooting or killing taking place - but their main aim is to press gang unsuspecting members of the public into the Armed Forces.
Colonel Paul Meldon said, while no doubt surpressing an evil laugh: "There will be no sales pitch and no pressure to join the Army; just come and find out what we do, it will surprise you."
I'm sure it will Colonel, as the unsuspecting young men are led into the back of the shop for their "surprise" and then whacked over the head with a cosh.
The Colonel is at pains to point out that the Army is eager to recruit both 'shop floor' and 'back office' staff. So you never know, one unlucky soul could wake up in Afghanistan with a sore head and find themselves as an HR professional.
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Comments (4)
Hi Guru!
I am very grateful for you bigging me (and my evil laugh) up in your blog but you've got the facts wrong in a major way!! There will be absolutely no recruiting activity happening in these Show Rooms and certainly no press ganging! In fact, it is not possible to join in either the Dalston (open tomorrow morning) or Hounslow (open in about 4 weeks) Show Rooms - those that express an interest in joining will have to be redirected to one of our recruiting offices around the city. These places are about correcting the very inaccurate mental picture that the communities in London have of Army service. They will be fun, informative and, above all, pressgangfree zones!
Paul Meldon
Posted by Paul Meldon | March 12, 2009 3:54 PM
Posted on March 12, 2009 15:54
I live in Dalston & find it difficult to express my disgust at this concept. How can it ever be considered ok to encourage kids from an area beset by youth violence to play at killing humans? A replica AF80 hand gun & a battle simulator using the warped medium of war video games intended to introduce kids who are used to imaginary violence to the real thing is an abomination. Last year a well loved store manager was killed by teenagers in the Matalan in the same shopping center that this 'showroom' will open in. The vigils are still attending by a community morning a senseless death. How can the army be simultaneously so idiotic & cynical? I will do everything possible to get this store closed.
Posted by Janet Grant | March 12, 2009 10:40 PM
Posted on March 12, 2009 22:40
I would expect at least a little truth in these matters. I was in the showroom in Hackney on Saturday and of course they were recruiting! I picked up a leaflet called 'Who do you want to be?' with a form in back asking if I wanted to join the army ('soldier or officer?' it offered me). In fact it also tries to get 12-18 interested in joining the Army Cadet Force. If I fill in the form and tick that I want to know more about joining I will be sent the information. While I was there a very young girl was filling the form in with a very young man in army uniform next to her. The fact that there is another stage is irrelevant this is first stage of recruiting. As for inaccurate mental pictures as I have never seen human being being shot, maimed and bombed I am sure my mental picture is inaccurate. The reality of a human being dying, for any reason, is surely much more horrific in real life. How are they preparing Hackney's children for that? The Colonel should be ashamed to use the word 'fun' and 'army' in the same sentence. What they are doing is despicable. Put your expensive show room money into something positive for kids to do with their lives!
Posted by M Hendriks | March 24, 2009 7:05 PM
Posted on March 24, 2009 19:05
I'm fully behind the Colonel on this. I've never been in the Army but Guru your naive point of view fails to acknowledge the tens of thousands of young people for whom military service provides education, professional trade training and qualifications. Having worked with youths at risk in the community I've seen the Forces turn them from potential drug addicts and criminals into fine and valuable, productive members of society, and excellent role models.
I do not expect you to accept this fact, as you are clearly blinkered by an unrealistic pacifistic doctrine. The unfortunate reality is however that military intervention and aggression is at times necessary, and we are lucky to have men and women who are committed to do so when directed by our government. you clearly understand nothing of military life, however people joining the Forces today clearly understand this fact.
The Iraq war, however unpopular initially, now sees the people of Iraq living more democratic lives and their nation beginning to stand on its own. Afghanistan will take longer, due to the lack of legacy governmental or national social structures, however success there - hand-in-hand with Pakistan - is vital.
Posted by Mike | November 5, 2009 3:36 PM
Posted on November 5, 2009 15:36