March 2, 2009
Guru is not easily amused, but did rather enjoy this bovine frippery. With the economy in the state it's in, explaining it though the medium of cows makes as much sense as anything else. Perhaps Robert Peston should try it.
20 Economic Models explained with Cows
1. SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.
2. COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
3. FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
4. NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
5. BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk
away...
6. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
7. SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
8. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
9. ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four
cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells
the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one
more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you
with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
10. A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want
three cows.
11. A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it
worldwide.
12. A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk
themselves.
13. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
14. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
15. A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
16. A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
17. A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
18. AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the heck out of you and invade your
country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy....
Guru's Tweets
Comments (4)
Very good, but where are the other two?!
Posted by Justin | March 2, 2009 10:53 AM
Posted on March 2, 2009 10:53
Here are some more, which I have thought of and humbly submit for consideration:
BRITISH NATIONALISED CORPORATION. You have two cows. You make a succession of risky deals in trading your milk until you are close to bankruptcy, sell the cows to the government, and get a massive golden handshake and pension for life.
ISRAELI CORPORATION. You have two cows. All of your neighbours argue that the cows are theirs and threaten to destroy you unless you hand them over to them.
Posted by Phil | March 10, 2009 3:58 PM
Posted on March 10, 2009 15:58
I thought of a couple more...
POLISH ECONOMICS. You have two cows. You send the cows to Britain, where they produce milk of a higher quality and lower price to British cows. The Daily Mail publishes an article complaining about your cows.
ITV ECONOMICS. You have two cows. You sell their milk for £1 per minute, even though the cows stopped producing milk ten minutes beforehand. You are fined £5.5million by OFCOW.
Posted by Phil | March 12, 2009 9:20 AM
Posted on March 12, 2009 09:20
Very disappointing to see Personnel Today perpetuating offensive national stereotypes for the sake of a few cheap laughs and fill column inches. I'd have expected a lot better from a member of the XpertHR Group, which only this week warned me of the dangers of bringing national stereotypes into the workplace. Perhaps the recession is hitting Personnel Today's ability to apply a high level of editorial standards these days?
Posted by Mark | March 12, 2009 2:28 PM
Posted on March 12, 2009 14:28