Guru

Guru's Irish cousin, Seamus O'Guru, has long maintained that everyone, at some level, and often without realising it, wants to be Irish. And it seems he's right ....

Even a natural sceptic like Guru cannot fail to be moved by the tale of Yorkshireman Chris Gregory, a 30 year old payroll officer who underwent brain surgery at Sheffield's Royal Hallamshire Hospital. The operation went well and the patient regained consciousness. His wife, Mary, once her initial elation wore off, was rather nonplussed to hear her husband speaking in a thick Irish brogue, and referring to her as "da broid". Gregory, despite never having set foot in Ireland, had, it seemed, somehow managed to kiss the Blarney Stone. Displaying a typically Irish gift of the gab, he then told his wife "You're da fabbest gal oi know" before belting out a heavily accented rendition of Danny Boy.

Alas for Gregory, the leap from Yorkshireman to Irishman was but a temporary one. Within half an hour, his real accent had returned, and doctors declared him to have been a victim of Foreign Accent Syndrome. Better luck next time, begorrah!