Archive | May, 2009

The best Apprentice video ever?

Guru would like to congratulate Cassetteboy for this excellent Apprentice video. Warning: crude language…  
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More HR look-a-likies

Suggestions for HR look-a-likies are, like, trickling in. Disciples will remember from previous posts that this is where Yours Truly picks on some poor, unsuspecting individual from the world of HR, business or politics and compares their boats (mostly unfavourably) to someone else. We all then laugh/gasp/snort at the similarity.This week we have Tory skills […]
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Ridiculous expenses – the best claims so far

Thanks to all disciples who contacted Guru with details of the most ridiculous and bizarre expenses claims they have come across. Here are Guru’s favourites so far… We had a claim for a £12.50 haircut for someone whilst on business in Africa. OK, he was there to represent the company but was only away a […]
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Pig farming – a career for the hard of hearing?

Guru – like so many innocent observers – has long laboured under the opinion that farming is a gentle profession, peopled by chubby rosy-cheeked types in cords and Barbours. Yet it appears that some of these brave types are facing, day in, day out, a hitherto unknown peril – the noisy pig. According to the […]
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Workers will play dirty to protect jobs

Despite the constant barrage of redundancies, pay freezes and increased stress, the UK’s workers are keeping their spirits up by indulging in what they do best – office flirting.A survey by office supplies firm found that the tumultuous state of the economy wasn’t affecting the majority of our love lives – but it may […]
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Jobless figures – place your bets please

Guru’s Aussie cousin Bruce has told of him of strange goings on Down Under.It does seem that nowadays you can put a bet on anything; betting firm Centrebet is in deep do-do for offering odds on how manypeople will be unemployed when official figures are released next month.Not exactly the most tactful of decisions, with […]
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How to place new employees in right department

Disciple Kevin emails and suggests the following method could be a way to save cash on expensive employee assessment programmes. Put 400 bricks in a closed room Put your new employees in the room and close the door Leave them alone and come back after six hours Then analyse the situation If they are counting […]
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Fancy your job cuts with a twist of irony?

In one of life’s great ironies that the gods send down to amuse all us little people, news reaches Guru that trade union Unite is making some staff redundant.The so-called ‘super union’ is looking to make cuts across all departments, with the number or job losses as yet unconfirmed. Cuts are happening because it expects […]
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Shower break idea is damp squib

“Managers should encourage ‘showerstorming’ breaks”, screams a press release that drops into Guru’s inbox.Apparently, having a shower is the answer to all your workplace problems, according to shower maker Mira. It conducted some ‘research’ which claims to have found employees who break for showers during the working day are 42% more productive.Roger Crabb, marketing manager, […]
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Worker gives ‘chunky soup’ a whole new meaning

  Last week saw a sad occurence at the Erasco soup factory at Lubeck, Germany, when a hapless 36 year old worker took his product knowledge just a bit too far. He climbed into a cauldron to clean it, only for the lid to shut, trapping him inside. The disinfectation process – involving lots and […]
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