Guru

Just like when fellow freak of nature Jade Goody left this earth back in March, hundreds, if not thousands of people with nothing better to do will very publicly mourn the death of Michael Jackson today.

And because it's a Friday, expect a few more to phone in sick claiming they are too upset to come to work.

Guru was a big fan of Jacko's music (who, after all, has not attempted to moonwalk at some point in their lives?). But Yours Truly can't say he respected the way he lived his life.

"Badly advised" is the phrase many use when a celebrity or public figure makes a series of strange and poor decisions. Guru prefers to use the word "weirdo".

So where will the flowers be laid by the legions of mourners? Apparently, the word on Twitter, is that a crowd is building up outside the Thriller show in London's West End. That's where Jobcentre Plus should set up and encourage people to sign up after laying their floral tributes.

There's a ready source of low-skilled (low-brained?) labour there to be tapped in to. That's until the next tragic case kicks the bucket and they all take the day off to go and mourn them.

Better still, as it's a Friday, Gordon Brown should declare today a public holiday to honour Wacko Jacko - that way the rest of the workforce can benefit.