Guru

What a great idea for a new TV series. Rather than concentrating on the selection of new business "apprentices" it can be involved in the preparation and coverage of cases for unfair dismissal at tribunals.
Perhaps a suitable title could be "The Dismissed" with the final punchline... "you're compensated".
ITV and BBC please contact me via the Daily Mail."

A male Witch is simply called a Witch, never a warlock and it is considered an insult to call a male Witch "Warlock". The word Warlock actually means "oath breaker". Some traditions of Wicca separate between female/male. The word "Wicce" pronounced (Wik-kay) designates a female Witch and "Wicca" pronounced (Wik-kah) designates a male Witch."

• Bernie "Hitler is great" Ecclestone
• Phyllis Self - the world's oldest HR practitioner
• Fees Office chief and ex-HRD Andrew Walker. Famously said of releasing details of MPs expenses "transparency will damage democracy".
• RBS HR chief Neil Roden - to spread the word on 'worst practice'

First there was boss-napping, now angry workers at a factory in France have come up with a new tactic in their battle against redundancy.

Staff at bankrupt car parts maker New Fabris are threatening to blow up the plant if they do not receive compensation from the companies that provided most of the firm's business.

The 336 workers at the factory at Châtellerault, near Poitiers in central France, want Renault SA and PSA Peugeot Citroen to pay £25,850 to each of them in return for the company's remaining stocks of equipment and machinery.

And this is no empty threat - alarmingly, bottles of gas have already been placed at various parts of the factory and are apparently connected with each other.

This makes boss-napping look like a bit of a laugh. Earlier this year, staff from at least eight companies took their managers hostage in return for better pay and fewer redundancies. France has a history of boss-nappings dating back to May 1968 and the 1970s.

Sent: 10 July 2009 14:14
Subject: on annual leave and hoping to win the lottery and not come back

Sent: 19 September 2008 13:56
Please note that I am currently unavailable as I am down the pub for the next two weeks.
The pub is situated on a tropical island, the temperature is 40. The water is warm and the girls are lovely.
Unfortunately there is no e-mail access and there is no cell-phone coverage.
Bye-Bye suckers.
I will respond to your email upon my return. (If I still have a job).

I am out of the office until Monday 27 July 2009.
If you just can't wait, if your email is urgent, or you want to give me money, please contact the XXX secretary on XXX, XXX, or XXX.
If all else fails, scream. Nothing will change, but you'll feel better and your colleagues will develop An Opinion.
Regards

I will now be out of the office until XXXXX. Enjoy the peace

My Out of Office this year will say:
Nobody will be in HR for 2 weeks.  Hope you can find someone else to
whine to until then.

The mood is not good in Scotland Yard's central control room, where telephone operators have been told to log (no pun intended) their toilet breaks.

Staff must log visits to the little boy's and girl's rooms as a 'code three' on a database.

A spokesman has said that only the amount of breaks will be stored, not the "detail of their nature." So no number ones and twos, presumably.

• Cut out the 'dead wood'
• If you have to make large scale redundancies, it is best to have a quick cull
• Nearly 40% of job seekers would consider taking a salary cut of up to 20% in order to secure a job
• It doesn't hurt to show your human side in all this, so take the initiative in organising a few activities, and take the lead in participating; bring your own food extended lunchtime picnic, dress down days, quizzes
• Beware of the 'overqualified'.
  

• Withdraw or limit access to all of your social networking profile pages. Images of your latest drunken conquests will not be beneficial to the cause
• Get to know their employees. How do they dress? Where do they hang out? It may sound a bit like espionage, but hang around the offices after work and find out what they do - is there a post-work drinks culture, a gym culture?
• Don't make them feel past it by being too cutting edge, or by wearing anything that shows off too much of your youthful figure. Nobody wants to employ someone who is going to make them feel old, fat or boring every day of the week
• If you have a strong accent you might want to try talking a bit more slowly than usual (practice this), and avoid the use of 'street' talk or slang like the plague
• Take as little holiday as you can
• Women - avoid getting pregnant