Guru

1. Royal footman becomes British wrestling champion
   
2. Poppy seller told to undergo risk assessment
3. Man stabs himself to avoid going to work
   
4. Cambridge finance graduate becomes trapeze artist

1. Police chiefs ditch bike safety manual
   
2. US rubbish workers find wedding ring in tonnes of trash
3. Beautician turns barrister in High Court battle
4. Fewer than 4 in 10 to have office Christmas party this year
5. Eating chocolate can help beat office stress
   

• "I'm too drunk to drive to work."
• "I accidentally flushed my keys down the toilet."
• "I had to help deliver a baby on my way to work."
• "I accidentally drove through the automatic garage door before it opened."
• "My boyfriend's snake escaped from its cage and I'm afraid to leave the bedroom until he gets home."
• "I'm too fat to get into my work outfit."
• "God didn't wake me." (Employee didn't believe in alarm clocks and thought a higher power would wake her when she was ready.)
• "I cut my fingernails too short, they're bleeding and I have to go to the doctor." 
• "The ghosts in my house kept me up all night."
• "I forgot I was getting married today."
• "My cow bit me."
• "My son accidentally fell asleep next to wet cement in our garden. His foot fell in and we can't get it out."
• "I was walking down the street watching road works being done, fell in the hole and hurt myself."
• "I was walking my dog and slipped on a toad in my driveway and hurt my back."
• "My house lock jammed, and I'm locked in."

• Current economic climate
• Going forward
• Recovery
• Jackie Orme
• Bonus
• Green shoots
• Pay cut
• Survivors
• Engagement
• Pledge
• Redundancies
• Michael Jackson
• HR transformation
• Swine flu
• Freeze
• Low-hanging fruit
• Paradigm shift
• Leverage
• Seat at the table
• Generation Y

While we're all aware of China's 'one child policy', what few people, especially those of us who have to battle through central London's tourist hoardes, have noticed is that the Japanese population is dwindling, too.

But never let the Japanese be accused of failing to take a bull by its, er, 'horns'. Mitsubishi UFJ (MUFJ), Japan's biggest banking group, has implemented 'family time', an inititiave tacked onto a doomed government campaign to increase the national birth rate.

MUFJ staff are to be sent home at ten past five, rather than the customary 7pm, in the hope that they will go forth and multiply - for once, not in the mathematical sense.

But there are signs that the Japanese workforce have more than a passing resemblance to their contemporaries here. One female MUJF staffer told the Times: "I'm not sure how many babies will be conceived this week, but the bar next door to the headquarters should do well." Guru says buy that girl a drink!

"This is a list of the interviews I have been to in the last 12 Months trying to find a role into media sales. Initially I tried recruitment with about 3 companies decided it wasn't for me and went for media from my work experience. Throughout the job hunt this is what I came across with the companies listed below. Maybe if you're trying to find a job with these companies then this might help to prepare or give you the perception of the company before sending of your CV somewhere. Add to it you like from experience maybe it will make people and companies think of where they are going wrong and how they waste peoples time."

1. Santa group demands swine flu vaccination
   
2. Disability benefit fraudster rumbled after appearing on DIY show
   
3. Top BBC director admits his job title is 'completely barmy'
   
4. Shop worker gives prospective boyfriend hefty discounts
5. Shopaholic wanted to find world's best shopping hotspots
   

• David Beckham
• Cliff Richard
• Johnny Depp
• Simon Cowell
• George Clooney
• Peter Andre (eh?)
  

1. Working women exaggerate partners' lack of effort around the house
2. Survey warns of potential Secret Santa blunders
   
3. University to hold 'virtual' graduation ceremony
4. Beefeaters sacked for bullying female colleague
5. Bouncers to wear head-cams to film bar troublemakers