November 15, 2010
A happy worker is a productive worker, and prime minister David Cameron is putting his neck on the chopping block, sticking his head above the parapet and generally not acting like a Tory by planning to ask the nation what it thinks.
He wants to gauge the 'wellbeing of the nation' by asking some really BIG questions - although he hasn't given much thought to what he might ask.
Naturally, Tory 'grandees' are fuming - and not in the sense that they are all imbibing of the hookah in a secret opium den. Our millionaire leaders are, probably entirely rightly, concerned that the plebs will not answer in a kindly fashion.
Now Guru knows a thing or two about pointless polls and fears this latest foray into the mushy mindset of the general populace could lead to the downfall of the coalition.
Here are some strange - and quite possibly true - facts that Dave 'I feel your pain' Comealong may be faced with...
Quite what Old Big Soc expects to learn from finding out what the public thinks - a dangerous term at the best of times - is a mystery to Guru. A quick poll of the locals suggests that most people have enough trouble thinking about what to wear, what to buy next and who to avoid at work in order to keep their own heads well below the parapet, their necks off the chopping block and to generally render themselves nearly invisible.
Still, at least DC's latest scheme means there will be plenty of scope for HR departments to get in on the act, forcing their workers to down tools to fill in the pointless survey.
He wants to gauge the 'wellbeing of the nation' by asking some really BIG questions - although he hasn't given much thought to what he might ask.
Naturally, Tory 'grandees' are fuming - and not in the sense that they are all imbibing of the hookah in a secret opium den. Our millionaire leaders are, probably entirely rightly, concerned that the plebs will not answer in a kindly fashion.
Now Guru knows a thing or two about pointless polls and fears this latest foray into the mushy mindset of the general populace could lead to the downfall of the coalition.
Here are some strange - and quite possibly true - facts that Dave 'I feel your pain' Comealong may be faced with...
- 90% of the population doesn't speak English as a first language - most of the native population of the UK now lives in Spain or France and the country is actually filled with tier 2 economic migrants from the Commonwealth countries and (mainly) Poland
- 95% of the population is on benefits
- 100% of the population thinks that David Cameron is some kind of game show host and that Newsnight is a reality show where a foam-headed bullyboy gets to shout at various new 'inmates'
- 100% of all highly paid jobs are occupied by former Bullingdon Club members
- 85% of women think that chocolate is a vegetable
- 66% of the population doesn't work
Quite what Old Big Soc expects to learn from finding out what the public thinks - a dangerous term at the best of times - is a mystery to Guru. A quick poll of the locals suggests that most people have enough trouble thinking about what to wear, what to buy next and who to avoid at work in order to keep their own heads well below the parapet, their necks off the chopping block and to generally render themselves nearly invisible.
Still, at least DC's latest scheme means there will be plenty of scope for HR departments to get in on the act, forcing their workers to down tools to fill in the pointless survey.
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