December 22, 2010
The pen is mightier than the sword. Or so they say. Or rather so said Edward Bulwer-Lytton.
And the sudden appearance of a sword-wielding maniac in the workplace would certainly induce a great deal of stress, which can lead to an inordinate amount of pen tapping.
However, the modern worker need have no fear, for rather than feeling like such a fool for waggling your biro in an uncontrolled manner, there is help at hand.
Boffin Miguel Bruns Alonso has developed a super-fat anti-stress pen that shifts its weight to stop the user rattling their pen about in an over-tense manner.
Apparently, according to Mr Alonso's, no doubt, crucial PhD research, in stressful situations using the FatPen can reduce the heart rate by as much as five percent.
Yours Truly would like to point out that being stabbed by a sword can also reduce the heart rate - by as much as 100%, as many of Kubla Khan's stressed out enemies would testify if they were still alive (although, admittedly, they didn't have access to the FatPen).
Guru would suggest that another writer, one Willy Shakespeare had a march on Lytton when he said that discretion is the better part of valour - however fat your pen might be.
So if you do find yourself in a stressful situation armed only with a Parker Sonnet ball pen while being confronted by a cutlass-waving pirate or a ninja with a samurai sword, Yours Truly would recommend a pair of running shoes... Or a gun.
And the sudden appearance of a sword-wielding maniac in the workplace would certainly induce a great deal of stress, which can lead to an inordinate amount of pen tapping.
"It was a dark and stormy night, and Cardinal Richelieu was just about to have his evening biscuit when a sword-wielding maniac leapt from behind the curtain, but, confronted by the quill-waggling red-robed god botherer, the swordsman turned on his heel and fled, mumbling 'was that a fine-plumed writing implement I saw before me...' and, indeed, it was"
However, the modern worker need have no fear, for rather than feeling like such a fool for waggling your biro in an uncontrolled manner, there is help at hand.
Boffin Miguel Bruns Alonso has developed a super-fat anti-stress pen that shifts its weight to stop the user rattling their pen about in an over-tense manner.
Apparently, according to Mr Alonso's, no doubt, crucial PhD research, in stressful situations using the FatPen can reduce the heart rate by as much as five percent.
Yours Truly would like to point out that being stabbed by a sword can also reduce the heart rate - by as much as 100%, as many of Kubla Khan's stressed out enemies would testify if they were still alive (although, admittedly, they didn't have access to the FatPen).
Guru would suggest that another writer, one Willy Shakespeare had a march on Lytton when he said that discretion is the better part of valour - however fat your pen might be.
So if you do find yourself in a stressful situation armed only with a Parker Sonnet ball pen while being confronted by a cutlass-waving pirate or a ninja with a samurai sword, Yours Truly would recommend a pair of running shoes... Or a gun.
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