Yours Truly is no fan of red tape, clearly favouring the blue tape wherever possible, or furry handcuffs and rubber strapping should there be no blue tape to hand.
However, those strange farming folk will be foaming at the mouth and fuming in their… um… fertiliser machines when they see the size of the ‘red-tape busting’ plan that’s been devised by Defra – the Department for Farmers, Rural types and Army fodder (or something similar).
In a bid to cut – note the word CUT, which Guru takes to mean ‘slash’, ‘trim’, ‘slice’ and other ‘remove bits of’ kind of words – red tape, Defra has come up with a 200-point plan. Not a six-point plan, or top 10 cuts we must make. Not even 50 ways to make your life simpler (although, admittedly that would be difficult with our cud-chomping ‘local’ cousins of cousins that are the ruralistas of this great country), but 200 things to tinker with.
Of course, in the real world, people stop much earlier than that.
There’s Edward de Bono’s Six Thinking Hats; Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Successful this that and the other; not to mention Geshe Kelsang Gyatso’s bhuddist tome Eight Steps to Happiness.
Then there’s The 39 Steps and for farming types there’s
Clearly, the Department for Eggs, Famine, Rolling-in-the-hay and Arm-wrestling likes to think big. Although not as big as our distant chums in the former Eastern Bloc.
Guru fondly recalls the 250 Ways to a Better Bulgaria document he received when setting up his… um… people moves business (which is definitely nothing to do with trafficking, whatever that is) down Veliko Tarnovo way. Of course, that publication was designed to put off the not-entirely-committed-to-the-Bulgarian-way-of-business types that went there in search of cheap housing.
Yours Truly can’t wait for Defra’s next tome: 9,000 Ways to Deal with the 200-point plan – available in 42 bound volumes.