June 16, 2011
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| Image: Rex Features |
Guru and Mrs Guru found themselves watching the Apprentice last night after the remote control fell to the floor and out of their respective reaches. Mrs Guru has been campaigning for a vacation from the history channel, so it was a happy coincidence.
We were both bowled over by the brilliance of team “Venture”, which when confronted with the task of designing a free circulation newspaper, decided to target old people with a magazine called “Hip Replacement”, a delightful title that would have old people chuckling heartily while recalling experiences of a painful and invasive operation.
This mirth was short-lived though, as the contestants’ steely-eyed determination increasingly turned Guru’s mind to alarming scientific research suggesting that psychopaths are uniquely well fashioned for business success (How to spot a psychopath at work ).
Guru has often despaired at the now ubiquitous use of personality tests to sift candidates, considering it a blunt replacement for human intuition, but after seeing Mrs Guru charmed into believing that a magazine walking over-60s through the process of dialling a telephone was a good idea, Guru was forced to re-evaluate. Mrs Guru is not a person prone to agreement, but she was soon singing from the “Hip Replacement” hymn sheet.
Consequently, Guru would politely suggest that Lord Sugar add the following questions to The Apprentice candidate personality assessment to help HR identify the psychopaths at the application stage:
1. An employee has a big presentation with a major client. They arrive to work looking tired and tell you that their father died last night. They say they will be fine to present later. How do you proceed?
- I would find a replacement, asking the employee to brief the replacement and then instruct them to go home and to take some time off.
- I would allow the employee to present, but would instruct another employee to co-present in the event that the bereaved employee is unable to present.
- I would contact the client to postpone the meeting, explaining the reasons for the postponement.
- What’s the problem?
2. A dog is hit by a car and is lying at the side of the road. How do you respond?
- I call the RSPCA and do what I can to ensure the dog does not suffer while waiting for assistance.
- I call the police.
- I carry the dog into my car and drive to the closest vets.
- I stuff the dog into a bag and drive off; it is possible that I may be able to sell the dog for scrap.
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