Archive | September, 2012

Guru did not use the word “grunt”

Guru has had a difficult week after a confrontation with an extremely junior member of his HR team resulted in some wild accusations being thrown Guru’s way. The confrontation occurred late Wednesday afternoon, after what had been a very stressful day for Guru. The events unfolded in the kitchen, into which Guru had wandered wishing […]
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Barcelona players are plane sexist

Image: Rex Features In the rare moments when Barcelona’s players aren’t throwing themselves about a football pitch cheating or practising cheating, or giving interviews defending all the diving around cheating they do, they’re sexually discriminating against men… or women… or both? … Guru isn’t entirely sure. According to Turkish Airlines, Barcelona’s team of tiny acrobats […]
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Ageing businessmen invest in fatter voices

Image: Rex Features Ageing male businessmen are having surgery on their vocal chords to make them more effective in the boardroom, according to the Daily Mail. Apparently, male voices start to deteriorate from 30 onwards, while women’s voice tend to age much later. Surgeons claim they can restore the youthfulness of the voice by injecting […]
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Lack of decision-making power bad for the heart

Image: Rex Features If you want to have a heart attack the best way to go about it is to get really fat and smoke a lot. Beyond this, it might also help to get a very stressful job with little decision-making power. According to research conducted by academics across different UK universities and published […]
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Britons want to be managed by Richard Branson (Guru doesn’t)

Image: Rex Features According to research from Reed, Richard Branson is the man most Britons would like to be managed by. Guru finds this perplexing as Guru would prefer to give Richard Branson a good hard kick in the shins than be managed by him. Of those who replied to the survey, a demented 26% […]
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The Paul Ryan way: lying about sport is easier than actually doing it

Image: Rex Features Mitt Romney’s running mate, Paul Ryan, ran a marathon in under three hours! That’s hugely impressive. Well it would be if it were true – his aides have since confirmed that he actually ran it in four hours and one minute, which is pretty good, but a bit more than an hour […]
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