Guru has some advice for the British Dietetic Association

We’re fast approaching Christmas party season, but obviously not at the British Dietetic Association. At the British Dietetic Association it’s the time of year for pumping out press releases full of sexist, idiotic nonsense. This is the opening to the email that greeted Guru this morning from the BDA:

“Okay ladies, it’s time! That LBD has been hanging up in the wardrobe for weeks, maybe months, the shoes and handbag would stop Carrie Bradshaw and her friends in their tracks and you’re ready to party like it’s 1999!”

The email goes on to provide helpful advice on resisting the many temptations of the Christmas seasons:

  • Before a Christmas party… “try eating something healthy and filling before you make your grand entrance, such as veg soup, hummus with oatcakes, fresh fruit and a yogurt-based smoothie. Plus, you won’t be drinking on an empty stomach or have to worry about embarrassing spillages down your LBD (or ruining your lip gloss)!”
  • “That Mariah Carey song is blasting around the room (again!), but take it easy and don’t get carried away.”
  • “Get those Jimmy Choo’s pride of place on the dancefloor and boogie the night away.”

Guru dislikes being greeted with “okay ladies” at the best of times, but when the greeting is followed by a load of patronising nonsense that appears to be designed to persuade characters from Sex and the City to avoid putting on weight at their work Christmas lunches then it’s more than he can bear.

Consequently, he would like to issue the following advice to the BDA:

“Okay BDA, it’s time! It’s that time of year where you feel tempted to send out patronising and insulting press releases full of the sort of advice that was left in the waste basket during the editing of Pippa Middleton’s Celebrate. Here is some advice to help you survive the season without falling into this trap:

  • Before issuing the advice ask yourself “do we have anything useful to say?”;
  • you’ve got so many ideas racing through your head: mention Sex in the City, say the word “shoes”, have pictures of kittens, George Clooney, pink… but ask yourself if they’re good ideas or are things that will make women want to spend Christmas eating nothing but cake and lard just to spite you;
  • don’t mention Mariah Carey under any circumstances if you want to engender good will; and
  • if you say your name quickly it sounds a bit like you may be a branch of the church of scientology (this isn’t advice – just a comment).