It's well known that Brits are a nation of tea lovers, but a new survey has shown which profession loves a cuppa more than anyone else.

Builders, Guru hears you cry. Not so - hairdressers have now overtaken builders for taking the most tea breaks.

But if by some miracle he makes it to 2033 then he certainly won't be commuting to work. The impressively titled Future Laboratory predicts that by then hardly anyone will actually physically be 'at work'. The growth of something they call 'the internet' will mean a huge rise in flexible working - putting an end to crowded trains, tubes, buses and the traditional rush hour.

But Guru was most surprised to see the little blighters pop up in the Sex and Power report by the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) on the lack of women in top jobs.

Bizzarely, the equality watchdog used the pace of snails to demonstrate the lack of progress in women breaking the so-called glass ceiling.

Here are its examples, for your amusement. A snail could crawl (slither?);

• nine times round the M25 in the 55 years it will take women to achieve equality in the senior judiciary
• from Land's End to John O'Groats and halfway back again in the 73 years it will take for equal numbers of women to become directors of FTSE 100 companies
• the entire length of the Great Wall of China in 212 years, only slightly longer than the 200 years it will take for women to be equally represented in Parliament.

Guru wonders who at the EHRC calculated how long these epic snail journeys would take, and how much that individual is being paid.

At the risk of labouring the point as well, why would a snail want to travel from one end of the country to the other, or circumnavigate the M25 motorway nine times? Just who exactly is this snail trying to impress?

Guru wonders what relevance these stats actually have. Answers on the back of a snail please...

In a variation on the theme, the Holiday Inn in south London ghetto Sutton (not a million miles away from Guru's stately residence) is making its showers available to local sweaty workers.

People who walk, run, crawl, hop, skip or cycle to work in Sutton town centre can now enjoy free morning showers at the hotel. The deal covers an estimated 5,000 staff in 70 businesses, so there could be a bit of a queue in the morning.

However, Guru has been told that workers must bring their own soap and towels, and the showers are segregated. Guru once had a very similar idea of encouraging more people to shower in the workplace, but no such segregation was in place. Unisex is the way forward, Guru strongly believes.

The plan was only thwarted after a visit from the boys in blue, reminding Guru that mounting recording equipment in shower areas is illegal. Such a shame; in Guru's world, work would be so much more fun.

The Church of England has devised a prayer for stressed out workers in a bid to lure people back to God. The Church pinpointed this week as a good time to target commuters as they returned to work after the summer break or school holidays.

The prayer reads as follows:

Dear God,
You know me. Don't you?
I'm not just a person on a bus or a train. I'm not just another face on CCTV; or just another login name.
I'm me, and I have other stuff going on.
Love life issues; bills to pay. Egos at work to deal with; an overflowing inbox.
So please, give me strength.
Guide me to focus on what's really important.
And help me make the most of every moment of this new day in this new month.
Thank you. Amen

Wise words I think you will admit. Guru is always looking for divine inspiration when stuck on the Tube with his face in some bloke's sweaty armpit.

Guru can confirm he will not be going Back to Church on Sunday 28 September - the target day for the campaign. Guru will be spending it where he spends every Sunday morning, in bed recovering from the excesses of Saturday night.

Well, quite far, according to a new survey by the crappily named online dating firm parship.co.uk (that's PARTNERSHIP merged with RELATIONSHIP, geddit?!)

It says one in five British workers - double the number recorded in 2004  - would flirt with the boss in order to get a promotion, with men more willing than their female colleagues to use 'charm' to get ahead. 

Female bosses were said to appeal to men because they were intelligent, self-confident, open-minded, honest, had good communication skills, a sense of humour, the ability to compromise, and an optimistic attitude.

Who the hell is this woman - she sounds like some imaginery workplace goddess. Guru notes there is no mention of good looks and a shapely figure as part of the criteria. 

Dr Nafsika Thalassis, a preposterously titled 'singles coach' at the company, said women have learnt through "bitter experience" that using sex appeal to get ahead at work can backfire. "Women who flirt with their boss run the risk that their bluff will be called, ending up in a sticky and even embarrassing situation."

What does she mean 'sticky situation'? That conjurs up all sorts of disturbing images in Guru's mind. If anyone has seen the episode of comedy series Peep Show where the characters Mark and Dobby rendezvous in the stationery cupboard (with unexpected consequences) - they will know what Guru is driving at. 

Winner of this week's PCGM award is the buffoon at Chichester District Council who decided to publish a politically correct 'language guide' to prevent staff from offending women, small children, Islamic fundamentalists and Scientologists (I made the last three up).

The guide tells council staff not to use the phrase "man on the street" - in case it causes offence to women. It says the term is based on the assumption that the world is male, and suggests "general public" as an alternative.

The booklet also says "manning the switchboard" and calling women "ladies" or "girls" is sexist. The council says it is simply being "responsive to people's sensitivities".

Guru thinks that rather than tell your workforce what they can't say, just lift the barriers, let them get on with it and let them say what they really think. Cold steeled honesty and frankness is the way forward, in Guru's humble opinion.

What the UK's workplaces need is a healthy dose of political incorrectness. Or is that political correctness gone mad, gone mad? Guru is off for a lie down... 

Guru finds vacuuming, washing up and ironing in the buff a truly liberating experience. So he was delighted to read about a naked decorator who is beating the competition pants down.

Nick Male says he became a naturist decorator because he was looking for something different to boost his business. Rather than a catchy name or clever advertising, he just decided to take his clothes off.

Guru thinks this is a brilliant idea. How many more firms could increase trade by their staff getting naked in the office/shop/factory?

Struggling with the credit crunch? Profits down because of falling sales? Get your kit off! Guru awaits with anticipation the memo from the adventurous HR department that first proposes this uninhibited new practice.

Instead of dress down Fridays we could soon see kit off Mondays. What a way to start the working week...

Guru spent many a happy hour admiring the fine acting and well crafted dialogue of the Red Shoe Diaries. But now Guru is a fully fledged consenting adult, his tastes have changed somewhat - but that's another story.

Anyway, back to the present, and disciple Barry has emailed on behalf of his manager to ask whether the Personnel Today team knew where he could buy a pair of the red high heels featured on the front page of the 19 August issue (pictured here).

Now, being the discreet individual he is, Guru will protect his surname and organisation that Barry - if that is his real name - works at. But Guru is not sure what is more worrying; the fact that someone actually got in touch to ask the question, or that Barry emailed on behalf of his manager.

Come on Barry, is it you that likes the heels? Are they for wearing at the weekend when you prefer to be called Barbara? Guru is an open-minded sort of guy, you can be honest with him...

Note to readers... if you happen to be looking for work in the south west of England and visit the official organisation responsible for finding jobs, sneek a peak under the desk and check out the HR manager's footwear.

Why? Well, it is National Hug Your Boss Day, of course - cringeable photos here.

Or rather the mayor of remote Queensland mining town Mount Isa has the answer...

After Guru revealed that director of public services Susan Anderson was separated at birth from canoe wife Anne Darwin, came the following revelation from Disciple Emily.

"Richard Lambert, director-general at the CBI, is actually American talkshow legend Jerry Springer," she says. "It's uncanny."

Click on the links above and decide for yourselves, disciples. And let Guru know of other suggestions you have - the best will appear on the back page of Personnel Today.

It seems that more than £1m of police property has been stolen since 2005 - including stab vests, breath-test kits and handcuffs.