The Work Clinic

I work in a relatively quiet area with the sound of the nearby printer and drinks machine generally being the loudest noises throughout the day, easily drowning out the many tap-tap and click-clicks of computer keyboards and mouse. The downside of this is that people and telephone conversations tend to stand out.

An interruption to the general library atmosphere is the constant throat-clearing noise that comes from nearby. It sounds suspiciously like the horse at the end of the Nutri-Grain television advert as it spits out the normal grain over the stable door, just before it asks "Does anyone have any Aqua Minerale ?" in a posh voice.

The lack of a proper tea break with Earl Grey served in bone china cups with polite conversation and no bad language.

I am irritated by hearing someone tell their anecdote to someone, and then hearing it another 10 times as they go through every person in the office telling it over and over again. By the time they start telling me, I feel like saying: "I KNOW ALREADY", instead I nod and look suitably surprised/shocked at the appropriate moment.

Here are some of my gripes:
• Educated, well-trained people speaking in ridiculous 'mockney' accents. Why would you want to sound as if you're swallowing your tongue? It doesn't lend you any street cred either, these days, because all the youngsters are trying to sound Jamaican.
• People who don't thank you for holding open a door for them. Firing squads at dawn methinks.
• Yes, mobile ring tones are right up there. The last refuge of the attention-seeker. "Look at me - I have a witty and/or ironic theme from some long-forgotten game-show or 80s pop song as my ring tone. Therefore I have a personality."

To hear these tinny reproductions once, down the pub, pissed, with mates, might, just might, still raise a half-hearted smile. But when some imbecile sitting over the way from you has it set as their ring tone and, worse, habitually leaves the damn thing sitting on their desk while they go to meetings, it's hard to smile.

There are a couple on our floor, one of which sounds like the soundtrack to a porn film being piped through the one remaining functioning speaker in a Dalston kebab shop.

These people ought to realise that music just doesn't sound any good played through a mobile phone. Of course, if you're talking R&B (in the modern sense) then it never sounds good, whatever the medium.

Get a life and restore those factory settings, before someone like me performs an un-licenced surgical procedure on you with your Sony Ericsson 800i.

People that suck their teeth.

People who complain they are cold and want the heaters on full blast.

People who send you an email and then come and tell you they have sent you an email...which basically means: "What I have written in my email is far more important than anything else you might be doing so open it now."

I used to work across the desk from a female, who every afternoon would noisily chew her way through a pack of Orbit like some Noo Yawk blonde in a 1940s film noir - used to drive me up the wall.

Members of staff with BlackBerries, who don't seem to be able to use the 'silent' function when they leave them behind to go into a meeting.

Colleagues who speak loudly - so I just wear earplugs - which still doesn't cut out the noise.

Colleagues eating strong smelling food at their desks, closely followed by people who eat at their desks very noisily. Maybe I have issues?

• People who aren't aware of their own hygiene issues.
• Sleep at their desks with their eyes open.
• Use jargon - often those who know least.
• Don't answer their absent colleague's phone.
• Don't know when the conversation has ended.
• Are doing a job that they have no aptitude for.
• Moan but don't do anything about their problems.
• Come to your desk without checking first if it is convenient.
• Toe the line even though they know there are good reasons not to.
• Think they are paid to turn up but expect a bonus for doing any work.
• Have meetings with no agenda, do not finish to schedule, or arrive late, book you in Outlook without first checking your availability within Outlook.
• Aren't happy unless they're moaning about something.

Individuals who argue with their spouse over the phone several times a day.

The biggest irritation for me is when managers don't say please or thank you and when they don't say hello to their team in the morning.

• Having to have a security pass to go to the loo.
• The lousy air-conditioning - warm, foetid air coming in through the ceiling in the middle of the room, "Versatemps" set by other people who either don't eat enough or wear too few clothes are always cold, with the result that it's always hot and humid at my desk.

Sonar style ringtones.

The office joker who constantly tries to crack unfunny jokes or someone that blows any minor difficulty or occurrence into a major issue.

One of the biggest irritations is people talking from behind/over you, to other staff members sitting accross opposite partitions. Very annoying in open-plan offices.

People moaning about their job, their pay and the like. If it is that bad they have a choice. The choice? Stay or leave.

I'm with Steve - Workplace dementors the lot of them

http://mcarthursrant.blogspot.com/2007/06/keep-away-from-those-workplace.html

I agree with Andrew and Steve - stop moaning you lot and get on with yor job!!

People who put food in the microwave, turn it on and walk off. Ours beeps when the food is ready but unfortunately the owner is nowhere to be seen.

People who leave the kitchen area untidy, not just messy, I mean actually dirty. There is no excuse.

People who leave the toilets in a state unfit for use, who do not flush or wash their hands. It’s disgusting.

People who do not contribute to the office whip around for birthday cake and take slices anyway.

Managers who do not know how to talk to their staff. If you cannot control the volume of what you say make sure you control the content and vice versa.

Staff who bitch about their work situation but do nothing to improve it. If you’re happy to do nothing about it then stop complaining. By the way, my posting this can be taken as me doing something about it, so be careful what you do next, I just might have to pound you ;)

People who wear vest tops in the office then want the heating on cos "it's cold"

people farting and burping and swearing.
Oh and chewing gum in a really common fashion

People who leave their "mobile phones" on their desks and disappear for the day, leaving their annoying ring tones to bleat incessantly for the duration

First and foremost, check that your employer has a Dignity at Work Policy. This deals with not just the more serious issues that can arise in the workplace, such as racial or sexual discrimination, but also more generic areas such as bullying and unwanted behaviour.

Bullying takes many forms, and can be subtle. Even irritating habits, if done deliberately, knowingly and with the intent of causing some level of distress to a co worker can be bullying.

An employer has a better platform from which to deal with these situations if there is a Dignity at Work policy. This enables the employer to invoke the policy by asking the perpetrator of the unwanted behaviour to attend a meeting, based on employee complaints, and the policy will set out a procedure for employer and employee to follow to resolve the situation.

The employer is however in a difficult situation if there is a lack of clear, specific, dated and timed instances of the unwanted behaviour. Much therefore rests with the complainants in assisting the employer to deal with the situation. An unspecific “whinge” by one employee against another is difficult to deal with.

Bear in mind that if a complaint is put in writing, which includes an email, this constitutes a legal grievance, and the employer’s grievance procedure is triggered. That means that there has to be a meeting to resolve the grievance. Picking up on the point above, although it might seem like formalising the matter, if a complainant does put the matter in writing, thus triggering a grievance, the employer is in a much better position to deal with the problem, because the written grievance is specific about the complaint, and the employer is legally obliged to investigate and try to resolve the matter. Without the written grievance the temptation is always to sweep these things under the carpet.

Key tips:

1. Check with your employer that they have a Dignity at Work Policy

2. Start to log specific, dated and timed instances of the unwanted behaviour

3. If you’ve really had enough then put your complaint in writing to your employer

people who sniff for the whole day when told that they should blow their nose but insist on sniffing the snot up their nose rather than blowing it out! it is disgusting and makes me want to kill the perpetator

People who have an inflated level of self importance and feel they can do everyone else's job better than the person who is actually employed to do the job - where everyone else seems to be rubbish apart from himself/herself.

I just want to say no one can be as weird as my desk mate! He seriously rocks like he has mental health problems and it's not infrequently that he sits next to me rocking with a nasal decongestant hanging out of his nose......

How about the guy who seems to have a neverending supply of snot which, when he blows his nose, sounds like a foghorn!

The person I sit next to constantly moans about how busy she is and how late she will have to work tonight and how early she had to come in this morning and yet spends most of her time on the phone ringing all her personal utility suppliers complaining about their service, spending half an hour trying to tell them how bad the line is, (it takes half an hour because obviously the line is is so bad they can't hear her), then ringing the council to ask what the council actually do with her council tax money because she feels like sometimes all they do is collect her bins and she would like to know what other interesting things they do because she would like to get involved with her local community and surely they must be able to help with this. All the while I'm working like a demon trying to do two full time jobs in three days whilst knowing that I'm being paid one fifth of what she is. She actually wants me to feel sorry for her. And she also does most of the irritat
ing things mentioned above too. Grrrrrrr!

I work in an office of ALL WOMEN and it's terrible! They are all 28 going on 55 and the only topics of conversations seem to be

- cats
- weather
- gardening
- recipes
- painting (the living room, not actual art, that would be fine)

When lately they started discussing the benefits of central heating as if it was the juciest bit of gossip ever, i had to walk out and go for a stroll to calm myself down! how can i tell them they are boring without offending them?!

One of my pet hates is people who eat at their desk. My colleague does it and it drives me up the wall. Fair enough, you may be busy and all that, but you should make time to have a break.

I don't want to smell your stew and dumplings, chicken korma or egg sandwiches.

The office is for working and the canteen/snack bar is for eating.

my pet hates are:

smokers - they act as if they have a right to multi fag breaks at any time, while non smokers have to actually do the work.

noisy people who have to tell you how fab they are and speak loudly to clients and then repeat the same conversation in a loud voice around the office.

small male bosses they always have a chip on their shoulders.

feels good to have a rant

I am working in these conditions:

- Single *clap* of hands everytime a certain person stretches
- Pounding on desk when something is 'funny'
- Nail clipping
- Constant throat clearing and/or cough (without covering mouths)
- Drumming on desk
- Inconsiderate belt out of music lyrics out of the blue
- Constant sniffing
- What I like to call "The 3 O'clock Chomp"
(Co-workers who haven't quite learned how to chew crunchy food with their mouths shut!)
And last but definitely not least...
-"Spoon-on-bowl syndrome"
(the fine art of clinking metal silverware on ceramic bowl for breakfast, lunch, and pre-dinner)

God, finally a place where I can express my anger...
We have moved desks a few weeks ago, and I'm seated right next to my boss. He is a bit overweighted, thus he breathes loudly whenever he is stressed, or whenever he needs to go walk somewhere, actually it's almost all the time. On top of that, his nose is often (not sure about the word) whistling, and his breath is really annoying: with some kind of a noisy expiration through the throat. Looks like he has constantly a cold, but without actually having one. Oh and also, he coughes without covering with his hand, he talks alone in front of his computer, he laughes so loudly when he receives some stupid joke with his emails...
So for now, I am ruining my ears with ipod, and I will most certainly bring earplugs next week. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...

I deal with the following on a daily basis. We have a very small office - 4 of us including the boss/owner:

Clipping finger nails while talking on the phone - happens daily.

Constant throat clearing, sniffling, the foghorn blow.

Very stinky cheap perfume, applied 3 times a day. The coat closet REEKS of it now too.

Garbage thrown in the recycle bins & vice versa.

Stinking up the one shared bathroom, and too lazy to spray some room deodorizer, turn on the fan and shut the door.

The family drama's that happen. It's like living in a soap opera some days. GET A LIFE.

Micromanagement, it's so unneeded. I get more work done with the boss gone for the day compared to when he's here, and bugging me every 5 minutes. Sure, I can multi-task, but we all have a limit. Give the work to someone else that's just busy chatting on the phone with their friends, rather than doing actual work.

Running personal favours for the boss. I refuse anymore, some people just don't know where that fine line is.

"Training" others that have been doing this longer than I have. If you don't write down the instructions the first time, it's not my problem. Get a grip, and figure it out yourself. That's how I learned.

WOW, this feels SO GOOD!!!! But it's lunch time, and off to the lunch room for my break. No doubt I have plenty more pet peeves!!!

The most annoying thing for me are people who come into the office and tell me how to do my job when they don't even know how to do the work that I do every day.

Another thing that drives me nuts (and gives me headaches) is when people come into the office and bang on the wall of my cubicle like it's a door. Whatever happened to saying "Excuse me" or something along those lines?

I work in a small office with three people, very quiet office. One of the employees sniffs oh...about every 15 seconds or so. She does it while she talks on the phone to members (this is a small credit union) she also does this sniffing even when she takes care of members at the counter. I think the worst is when it is quiet and all we hear is her sniffing! AGGGHHHHHH!