Americans shocked at Geneva convention

This week’s guru

Americans shocked at Geneva convention

So, just as Personnel Today predicted, that slow moving European juggernaut
on staff consultation was finally agreed. At least now the CBI will have to
come up with a strategy that goes beyond blank denial.

But if the CBI is having difficulty coming to terms with it, then US
companies operating in Europe haven’t got a chance.

At a roof-top drinks do in the City, an American chum of Guru’s explained
that US companies rarely realise the staff responsibilities that come with
having a European presence. As a legal type he has attempted to warn more than
one American CEO about the dangers of opening a European HQ in Geneva for tax
purposes. "What!" screamed one in his ear, "When I make them
redundant after six months, I’ve got to tell them first and pay them a year’s
salary. That’s crazy!"

Still seeking the perfect 10

It is not just footballers who deal in clichés. Guru was introduced to lingo
bingo the other day. Each player gets a card with 10 of the best-loved business
clichés on it. To win you simply have to guess the corporate-speak on other
people’s cards.

Included in Guru’s list was "Singing from the same hymn sheet, moving
the goalposts, win-win situation, who’s in control of the dancefloor, touch
base, I’ll see if I have a window, it’s a no-brainer, do we have closure?,
hyperarchy, step-change, leverage our position, edutainment and learning
organisation".

Unfortunately, Guru lost abysmally to a go-getting consultant in change
management who rattled them out like a machine gun.

Can anybody come up with a better list of 10?

It’s pants when you’re on parade

Guru was relieved to hear that Mickey and Minnie Mouse have won the right to
wear their own clean underwear.

Staff who play the cartoon characters at Walt Disney World, Florida, were forced
to wear company-issued jock straps and tights beneath the costumes because
normal underwear has a tendency to bunch and be visible.

But staff complained that the underwear was not cleaned properly, after
several caught pubic lice and scabies. Pluto and the gang will now get pants
they can take home each night and clean themselves, and they’ll all live
happily ever after (except the lice).

Will it be chicken feed if they sue?

Guru is calling for all disciples to stop taking the rise out of
vegetarians. Not only is it unfair to call them "sandal-wearing
lefties", but it might drop you in the soup (leek and potato, of course).
A leading vegan organisation is calling on its members to use the Human Rights
Act to defend themselves against discrimination.

London Vegans is also demanding that employers treat vegetarianism as a
religion. A spokesman said, "We will use the Human Rights Act if we are
discriminated against at work. You can get quite harassed if you are a vegan."
Well, for one Guru has never abused the resident tree-hugging hippy in his
office, and he always eats his veal sandwich discreetly.

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