Binmen short of options in hot spell

There is trouble brewing – or possibly marinating, considering the heat – in Scotland, and it could have diabolical effects for the entire nation.
Binmen in Dunfermline, Scot-land, have threatened to work to rule after being banned from wearing shorts in the recent hot weather. Fife Council has insisted the wearing of shorts raises serious health and safety concerns.

Head of environmental services, Fraser Thomson, said that binmen could suffer from cuts and grazes, insect bites and dog bites, and that this was just an added safety measure for the men.

“They could also suffer sun damage which could lead to serious problems, such as skin cancer,” he said. “The risk of wearing shorts is too great.”

That last line sounds like something from an American blockbuster, not Dunfermline. Imagine an American president (probably played by Harrison Ford or the like) sitting in the Oval Office anguishing over whether to launch missiles or what stance to take on trousers for local authority workers. “Dammit!” he would roar into a red telephone. “The risk is just too great!”

While we may joke, there is a serious issue. What about other professions? Should footballers be dropping their shorts in favour of trousers? Should lady-lifeguards be running into the sea in tasteful ankle-length dresses?

Performance levels would definitely come up short if other people followed Dunfermline’s lead. Moreover, David Hasselhoff wouldn’t be able to make any more television programmes, and would end up focusing on his music career. This must be stopped at all costs.

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