The Guardian’s blog (Guru has employed a legion of geeks to educate him on all things worldwide web related, so watch this space) unearthed an unlikely job opportunity for any fundamentalists out there lamenting the poor career options on offer – suicide bomber, sniper, etc.
In a discussion about the allegedly turgid, unreadable prose penned by author Henry James, a contributor called for the reinstatement of book burning. Guru is not sure to which episode of the ‘unelightenment’ the blogger (for that is the modern moniker adopted by chatmasters in cyberspace, you know ) was referring to, but its return would surely provide a fine opportunity for the horizon-limiting monotheists out there who don’t want to die just yet.
Book-burning has a long history, Guru notes, from the real scary – Qin Dynasty in China 2,300 years ago and the Spanish Inquisition through to the Nazis in Germany – to the unreal scary (made-up stuff) as in Malcolm Bradbury’s Farenheit 451 or the ‘memory hole’ of George Orwell’s 1984.
However, the basic skill set remains the same: one box of matches and an ability to stack up a big pile of books.
Of course, the job of suicide bomber, while offering little in the way of flexible benefits, provides a steady stream of work for anyone in a terror-based recruitment consultancy. But rather than being a proselytiser of (insert your preferred religion here) fundamentalism, now any hacked-off doomsayer can be a mere ‘proselighter’.
Ever keen to reward his loyal disciples for their dedication to his impressive column, Guru is always on the look out for little ways to show his appreciation. And much like waiting for the proverbial bus, when one does eventually come along, it’s invariably closely followed by two more. So get your winning hat on and get involved.
Scrum down for free rugby tickets
Calling all rugger fans. Top relocation specialist The Relocation Bureau has contacted Guru with the offer of two pairs of tickets and hospitality for the forthcoming Heineken Cup quarter final match between London Wasps and Leinster Rugby on Saturday 31 March.
Guru is delighted to direct you to the competition website (www.reloburo.com/competition_perstoday.shtml), where for providing the answer to two simple questions, you could win two simply super tickets to the aforementioned rugby match:
FIRST PRIZE: Hospitality for two at the above match, and a basket of special Wasps goodies.
SECOND PRIZE: Hospitality for two at the above match.
RUNNERS UP: Hospitality for two at one of the remaining London Wasps Guinness Premiership home games.
Jog your memory
There is still one glaring hole in the Personnel Today teams’ preparations for the Osborne Clarke Challenge, part of the Asics Reading Ralf Marathon on 25 March. That’s right – no-one can agree on a suitable musical playlist for our runners’ MP3 players.
We need inspiration – so please e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org with your favourite ‘music for running to’. Guru will compile your suggestions and publish his top 10 ‘tracksuit tracks’. Or should that be ‘singlet singles’?
Every suggestion Guru receives will be entered into a competition to win a new 1GB iPod Shuffle pre-loaded with the top 10.
NB. Although we are now closed for corporate sponsorship, personal sponsorship is still welcome. Click here to donate. All proceeds go to The Children’s’ Trust.
Top free stuff for sending your fluff
And don’t forget to enter Guru’s Angora Award for HR Pufnstuf. Guru wants to hear about the fluffiest, least business-critical HR interventions of all time (anonymity guaranteed). The prize is a rare DVD box set of 1960s children’s TV classic HR Pufnstuf. E-mail email@example.com