When Guru read that in deepest Germany, guards were stopping cars, searching them and frisking their drivers, he thought he had accidentally picked up a newspaper from his extensive 1940s archive.
However, it turns out that this top-level security is part of a modern-day bid for world domination – by none other than JK Rowling.
According to the report, the GGP printing company in the rural town of Poessneck has printers, inspectors and packers working 24 hours a day to print the seventh and final Harry Potter novel. The security operation is in place to prevent the plot of The Deathly Hallows being leaked before the publishing date of 12:01am on Saturday 21 July.
Employees are allegedly being kept under constant surveillance, and have been told that anyone spilling the plot, smuggling out copies or even betting on who will be killed in the book will be fired and possibly sued.
Guru wonders what is in it for the employees. They have to work long shifts, face gruelling security checks before and after work, deal with the constant threat of the sack, and live in Germany. Imagine dragging yourself out of bed in the morning just to face some goose-stepping, uniformed Stasi to find out whether you have stolen a few lines about a geeky, make-believe broom rider. It’s hardly a cause worth dying – or even losing your job – for, is it?