This week’s guru

HR disgraces itself when cameras roll

HR was on the box last week, and it got a bit messy. Susannah, head of HR at
Holiday Autos, was first up in a documentary about an ailing call centre. While
the CEO ran amok on the shopfloor in a desperate attempt to improve sales,
Susannah’s strategic role was to clear up the personal belongings of the people
who resigned as a result.

Next up was Jill, an HR officer, on the Graham Norton show. Mike Myers was
the special guest star and the audience made Austin Powers spy gadgets in an
attempt to win a holiday in Florida.

Guru was hoping for an ingenious psychometric test to root out double
agents, or a clever ejector seat to remove tribunal-seeking staff. Instead,
Jill offered up a rather poorly constructed penis detector. Just answer Guru
one question Jill: why?

Can all disciples please start bathing the profession in glory when on TV?
Otherwise Guru is going to make you all watch video footage of his 1989
performance on University Challenge when he single-handedly completed a
"starter for ten" on cod…

Police burned out by world cup stress

Officers from the police and the fire brigade often have to work closely
together in cases such as traffic accidents and arson, so it is vital there is
effective co-ordination between the services.

However, Guru suspects this special relationship might have come under
strain to a degree in Hampshire during the World Cup when county firefighters
responded to a fire alarm at Lyndhurst police station.

Two fire engines sped to the scene only to find police officers glued to the
station TV engrossed in the England Brazil game. It transpired that such had
been the big game tension the bobbies had allowed the toast for their half-time
snacks to burn.

Driving home politeness procedures

It is obviously vital for successful
service industries to foster good customer relationships, so Guru was delighted
to learn about the Reading bus company that provided its drivers with
politeness manuals to ensure the highest standards of behaviour were maintained.

However, it appears there is a need for some additional
training after a rather unfortunate incident when a bus driver lost his rag.
The irate driver hurled his staff politeness manual at a woman who criticised
him for admonishing an elderly passenger whose shopping trolley blocked the
aisle – an approach unlikely to have been highlighted by the guide.

Guru is surprised the driver did not get his revenge in the
manner of most bus drivers by stopping and starting the vehicle so violently
that any elderly passengers who might have inadvertently annoyed them are
scattered down the aisles like skittles.

Cure for illness in the bottom of
ravioli packet

An Italian factory has put all its employees on a special diet
to boost their health and performance.

Proel, an electronics firm based in Teramo, has asked its staff
to eat meals containing plenty of vegetables and pasta rather than greasy food
for a month – at work and at home.

The menu has been specially created by the city’s hospital
dietician, Dr Gilda D’Angelo.

Chief operating officer Fabrizio Sorbi believes it is the duty
of a modern factory to correct employees’ poor eating habits.

He is optimistic the new diet will improve productivity and
reduce absenteeism.

"From breakfast to dinner, the diet will help them feel
better and eventually help them to work better," he said.

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