Guru has had a very busy couple of days, having been alerted to one of the most overlooked and most damaging areas of workplace discrimination: anti-pretty women discrimination.
The whole office has been talking about this issue, which came to light yesterday with a groundbreaking piece of journalism from pretty journalist Samantha Brick, whose article ‘There are downsides to looking this pretty’: Why women hate me for being beautiful describes the hitherto unforeseen downsides to looking as pretty as she does.
The article sets out the issues that face women who are pretty, such as pretty journalist Samantha Brick. They involve nice things like being given champagne for no reason at all (which actually happened to pretty journalist Samantha Brick!!!!), but also being discriminated against by the disgusting excuses for women who’ve managed pretty journalist Samantha Brick in the past (they were jealous of Samantha Brick, because she’s so pretty).
Guru drafted a policy to deal with the situation and has formed an all-male deliverance team charged with actioning it. The most difficult part of the process has been working out who is pretty and who isn’t pretty. To this end, Guru has blown up photos of pretty journalist Samantha Brick and plastered them all over the situation room (they’ve been very distracting because she’s so pretty), and is using them to rate the women of the office on the “Brick scale”.
Women as pretty as pretty Samantha Brick are “0”, which is the mid-point of the scale. The scale, theoretically, goes higher, but there’s been no need for higher ratings, as nobody in the office is as pretty as Samantha Brick (we should be so lucky!). Most women have been comfortably below a Brick rating of 0, with most managers getting a score of about -10 on the Brick scale. These women have been informed of their Brick rating and warned about the dangers of discriminating against women higher on the Brick scale.
And, yes, Guru can reveal, just as pretty journalist Samantha Brick predicted, that these women have been extremely hostile throughout the whole process (probably because all women are awful bitter people who hate anybody more attractive than them).
Regardless, Guru hopes that his “Brick scale” will catch on and prevent pretty journalist Samantha Brick not getting what’s coming to her, which is free champagne, a Pulitzer prize for her brilliant article (she won’t get it because the judges are probably well ugly) and promotions.
Read the complete post at http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/personneltoday/gurublog/~3/TRTp3fmm0WE/guru-introduces-the-brick-scal.html
4 Apr 2012 11:55 AM
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