I’ve had a bit of a cold. Now I’m wondering whether it could be a touch of Swine Flu, though we all know the catastrophising in the press is part of a cunning government plan to divert our attention from the financial mess they’ve got us into. I’d taken to wearing a face mask since I had the sneezes but then I realised it was hay fever season and the penny dropped.
The symptoms of Swine Flu are trivial, so why all this fuss? But it has set me thinking what other zoological strains we might encounter next, and what the implications might be.
I’m sure you’re aware that there’s a rather unhealthy fondness for sheep in certain parts of the country, so I suppose Sheep Flu must be a contender. It would be easy to detect though: just shout ‘Mint Sauce’ and see who runs the fastest!
Sick as a dog
Our political leader, Gordon, hasn’t been looking too well lately, either. I’d say he’s got a dose of something. Judging by that clip of him grimacing on ‘You Tube’, it could be a dose of Dog Flu – he looks like a boxer chewing a wasp. It would account for his choice of ministers though – that Hazel Blears looks like a Chihuahua, same size too. Don’t think many women would own up to having a bit of Dog Flu; can you imagine the jokes that would generate?
I don’t know why we bother getting an OH qualification; a veterinary nursing qualification would make more sense. It’s a way of dispensing with the Nursing and Midwifery Council too. Surely vets don’t have an equivalent, do they?