Lord of the flies goes unchallenged

The terrors of the workplace are many, but this could perhaps be the most diabolically, bowel-looseningly scary situation that has ever been experienced in a work environment.

This bona fide exchange comes from professional services giant KPMG, and redefines what it means to call in a ‘swat team’.

Surnames have been removed to protect the terrified.

From: Victoria
Sent: 1 June 2005 11:32
To: UK-FM Facilities Servicedesk
Subject: None
We have a fly in our department (5th floor south) and it has been here since last Thursday. I was wondering if you have anything that can get rid of him.

From: UK-FM Facilities Servicedesk
Sent: 1 June 2005 14:14
To: Victoria
Subject: RE:
Victoria
Due to Health & Safety regulations, aerosol fly killers are no longer permitted. If you wish to take this further I can log a call with the cleaning company for someone to come and try to swat the fly, but as I understand it a fly’s lifespan is less than a week, so a natural death may soon occur.
Susan

From: Victoria
Sent: 1 June 2005 15:15
To: UK-FM Facilities Servicedesk
Subject: RE:
I have passed on your comments to my colleague, and he has asked if you could supply some fly swats by the end of today.

From: UK-FM Facilities Servicedesk
Sent: 1 June 2005 15:43
To: Victoria
Subject: RE:
I’ve logged this with ISS for you; it’s Request 15534
[E-mail ends]

At the time of writing, it was unclear what measures had been taken to neutralise the threat, but it’s worth noting ominous developments regarding the lifespan of flies.

Scientists have recently doubled the life expectancy of the fruit fly by altering one gene.

The gene has been nicknamed Indy (which stands for I’m Not Dead Yet), and appears to work by suppressing calorie absorption.

Be afraid, be very afraid.

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