Hmm. Is this the longest lasting cold in human history, or is our new Wotcha Wellness campaign undermining my immune system? The latter, probably, and judging from the fact that the entire office seems to have turned into a giant sneezathon, everyone else seems to be feeling the same way.
In fact, I am feeling so low that I’m still working on the questionnaire handed out by the Nine2Five Nirvana team brought in by HR torturer Martin Tallow. Just as I try and put the finishing touches to the ‘interests’ section, Martin himself hovers into view. I can feel him thinking positively as he skids to a halt next to my desk – a bit like the dodgy airwaves given off by WiFi hotspots (allegedly), but much more annoying.
“Now, Tracey” he says, breezily, picking up the form and leafing through it. “Only one section to go – I just need to know what you do to relax at the end of a working day. Your favourite leisure options – how hard can that be?”
I try and force a smile, but it turns into another sneeze. “I was trying to make something up,” I say, from behind my hankie. “I could tell the truth and say watching Coronation Street, but it’s a bit too depressing.” Martin frowns at me, perhaps deducing I am more in need of an Indian head massage than is quite normal. “We just want pure Tracey in that questionnaire,” he says firmly. “We want to get under your skin and find out all about the real you. Warts and all.”
My warts are staying well under wraps, thank you very much. I scribble ‘Corrie’, feeling certain that good old Martin will have put down hang-gliding and learning Serbo Croat. But let’s face it, at the end of a working day – which is actually when the kids finally go off to bed, in my case – all I’ve got the energy to do is switch on Sky Plus and dip into a box of Quality Street. I never claimed to be a role model for wellbeing, and it’s a bit late to start now.
To be continued…